tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22404102310458965142024-03-13T11:53:09.153-07:00Hope. For a Family.Jaredhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01725776626220168802noreply@blogger.comBlogger25125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2240410231045896514.post-43914270573146447102014-10-21T14:08:00.004-07:002014-10-21T14:08:57.331-07:00<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">This blog was a tool for my wife Emily and I to promote awareness of infertility, to share our story as we walked through the dark journey of infertility and to get help as we did so. We hope as we have been touched by so many others walking down a similar path as we have, many for much longer than we did that this blog can give you some hope. There is a plan, there is a purpose. Grow through the suffering, allow it to make you the person God created you to be. Please contact us for anything. We want to use our experience to help others. </span></div>
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Jaredhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01725776626220168802noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2240410231045896514.post-58229817177678675912014-05-11T05:12:00.000-07:002014-05-11T05:15:21.171-07:00Happy Woman's Day<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Here it is again, the day we celebrate God's most unique creation, the woman. I think many men have the same first question on their list of what to ask God, "What were you thinking?!" Yet as we all know, you can't live with them but we most definitely can't and wouldn't want to live without them. Although we term this day "Mother's Day" I want to go about it from a different angle and call today, Woman's Day.<br />
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My mother will always have a unique place in my heart. After all, she is the reason I am here. My mom always did what she thought was best for me and for that I am eternally grateful. Mother's have a job that requires more of them than any occupation on this planet, they nurture, they protect, they serve, they don't sleep, and they do it all as if it were no big deal.<br />
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I have been a father for 9 months now and I have seen an amazing example of what a mother's job looks like as I watch Emily basically workout all day picking up after, feeding, bathing, entertaining, and educating two little boys. I honestly cannot do the things she does, I am just not geared for it. She is amazing and God knew exactly when to give her our little miracles. This will be the first Mother's Day Emily can truly say she is a mother. This may be true but it doesn't take away the years when Mother's Day was the worst day of the year. We will rejoice on this day but also we will hurt for those of you who are still longing to be mothers. What an awkward day it is if you have experienced infertility. It seems like everywhere you turn, women are being congratulated for being able to have babies. I remember going to church by myself because Emily couldn't stand to be there when the pastor asked all the mothers to stand. I remember feeling the same way on Father's Day. I felt like the pastor said, "Any man who is successful stand, all other men who are not stay seated." This idea sounds ridiculous to some of you who have never been there, but for those who have and are, you understand. This year I have thought alot about our feelings toward this day we label "Mother's Day" and have a newfound outlook.<br />
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We all have had a mother, at least for a second. Some people have had great mothers, some don't even know their biological mom. So is it the actual mother that should be the key focus of today or should it be how women make our world such a great place to live regardless of their title? Here is my point:<br />
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1) Women are God's most beautiful creation. He created them just for men. The earth was perfect when it was just Adam and Eve. Whether you are a mother or not, you are part of that beautiful creation.<br />
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2) Women complete men. God said that it was not good for man to be alone, so He created woman. He didn't create her as a mother initially, He created her as a woman and she was perfect. Whether you have kids now, will have kids later, or never have kids God created you perfectly as you were.<br />
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3) Women have a plan determined by God. The bible says we all have a plan. You don't have to be a mother to have a purpose. God's ulitmate plan is to bring us back to Him, you are part of that plan regardless of your season of life.<br />
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4) Today should be about celebrating life. The ultimate giver of life is God. He gives us our families regardless of how they are formed. Adoption, foster parents, half-brothers, relatives by marriage, there are many different ways to form a family and God is responsible for them all. So today I want to celebrate the women who hold our families together. Whether you are a mom, daughter-in-law, wife, sister, friend or a just a daughter, thank you for what you do. The qualities of a mother are in you all and God's plan looks different for everyone. You are His most perfect beautiful creation and today I celebrate you. What a mess we men would make of this world if it weren't for you!Jaredhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01725776626220168802noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2240410231045896514.post-66613161024408308092013-07-28T16:59:00.002-07:002013-07-28T17:01:34.804-07:00Where is God?!<div style="text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">As you all know by now, Emily and I began our battle through infertility in 2009. Through that journey there were many times when we felt like God was absent and inattentive to our problems. We couldn't have been further from the truth. Throughout history times that looked bleak and as through God was removed from the situation have turned out to be stories of triumph. We decided to make ours a story of triumph as well, regardless of the outcome. In fact, the greatest story ever told centers around a group of people that thought God didn't show up. Here we are 2000 years later talking about the story that didn't go as anyone thought it would. A holy man crucified mercilessly yet doing so voluntarily so that we can have hope, faith, true love and salvation. Crazy how our plans really just don't matter at all in the scheme of things, but that's exactly how it is supposed to be. </span></div>
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<a href="http://abcnews.go.com/Health/robin-roberts-myelodysplastic-syndrome-diagnosis-beat/story?id=16540293"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Robin Roberts</span></a><span style="font-family: inherit;"> challenged all of us to, "Make our mess our message" at the recent ESPY awards. What a powerful concept if we are able to look outside our circumstances to help and be helped. We all have a mess. That mess may come masked as a variety of different problems but we all have at least one. Andy Stanley, one of my favorite speakers, discusses these ideas and the times when we feel like God doesn't care in the video posted below. You aren't alone. People have been struggling with the concept of God's presence for thousands of years...</span>
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Jaredhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01725776626220168802noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2240410231045896514.post-63125438251120272102013-07-08T18:47:00.001-07:002013-07-08T18:47:38.864-07:00Hang in There<div style="text-align: center;">
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Emily and I took another trip to the hospital last night. Much less panic ensues which each episode, we know exactly what to pack and exactly where to go. As I sat in the hospital helplessly watching the nurses check Emily and the boys' health I began to think back on our lives the past few years and the incredible life change that has happened. We are amazed at where we are now. </div>
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7 years ago, this month, Emily and I got married. At that point I was in graduate school at Auburn University and dreams of working in professional sports were ahead. I would have never guessed that we would currently be living in Smyrna, Tennessee, each have a Master's degree, living off one full-time salary, I would be working at a small private university that doesn't have football, and leading classes at our church. That's because where we want ourselves isn't as important as where we are supposed to be.</div>
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Many times through our struggle to start a family we felt like we were just "hanging in there." We were so focused on just getting past where we were that we were missing crucial opportunities to help and serve others and to build relationships. We believe that God has us where we are for a reason and that the past few years have been preparation for this moment. This moment, then, is preparing us for our future. We struggle every day with "keeping up with the Jones'" and making more of ourselves. It was when we decided to stop just "hanging in there" and began trying to make the most of whatever situation we are in that God blew us away. I am amazed at how he has allowed me to influence people, not for how good I am, but for how good He is. I am humbled to be married to a woman who gives credit to God in all circumstances. When I know she is in pain and I know she is distraught, she is faithful. This is where He wanted us all along, we were just too selfish to see it. </div>
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I also wanted to say thank you again to our HUGE support system. We have been blessed beyond our wildest dreams by many of you. Your prayers, cards, gifts, emails, texts, and words of encouragement and support have gotten us to where we are today. Our hope is that we may be able to give the same help to you in your time of need. You have allowed us to use our situations for good. Community is a powerful thing if we would just begin to let others into our lives. Our society tells us that we need to do whatever it takes to be successful and when times get tough, just hang in there. God tells us that success is in Him alone, not in money, how many "friends" we have, possessions, or notoriety. When times get tough ask Him to guide you and make the most of your situation, don't just hang in there. </div>
Jaredhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01725776626220168802noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2240410231045896514.post-19397438847010981642013-06-10T11:05:00.001-07:002013-06-12T08:01:58.419-07:00Antepartum<div style="text-align: center;">
Just wanted to update everyone who is a part of our journey. Emily is almost at 30 weeks and is at home on bed rest. The past few weeks have been a roller coaster for us but just another chapter in the journey that we have waited to be on for some time now. Emily's stay in the hospital was 2 weeks of cafeteria food sevice, scheduled baby monitoring and medications, wheelchair rides around the hospital (and even outside the last week), snacks, magazines, Netflix, and getting real comfortable with the nursing staff. The staff was awesome though. They made us feel right at home, well as right at home as you can feel in a hospital room. They were all very sweet and I think Emily actually made a few friends.</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDaFspgQAQklo6uCHHvXW72q4IA8pnn2lRGB0wW5zekkdqMLWdRxdAwACB2ietVGPpsak8e0Z7dz3PflJLEKqS5dYauYczH8sT2vhbcb_ZMtIYchH5YzqRi9r6Q6Z0SK7zddoykdcsYUM/s1600/image.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDaFspgQAQklo6uCHHvXW72q4IA8pnn2lRGB0wW5zekkdqMLWdRxdAwACB2ietVGPpsak8e0Z7dz3PflJLEKqS5dYauYczH8sT2vhbcb_ZMtIYchH5YzqRi9r6Q6Z0SK7zddoykdcsYUM/s320/image.jpeg" width="239" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;">Emily with her daily cafeteria lunch</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">I didn't have to eat the same food she did everyday, in fact eating in the cafeteria was usually more expensive than me going out to get something. That was actually soemthing I looked forward to: going outside into the real world to get fresh air. Emily wasn't so lucky, she looked forward to ordering different foods off of the hospital menu. </span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEin4q-YYhrl-2ooltyg6muRsWykufrikrZ9iphOTjVJYG1nfWqHXpDLdvXHwjZdr8ydbgV94cu69nT4cLIu-zJpySvzSGr4ApDCN7RBIBLraBoJbUYis8K8lGzoacUzrGg13hVspfEYzNk/s1600/2.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEin4q-YYhrl-2ooltyg6muRsWykufrikrZ9iphOTjVJYG1nfWqHXpDLdvXHwjZdr8ydbgV94cu69nT4cLIu-zJpySvzSGr4ApDCN7RBIBLraBoJbUYis8K8lGzoacUzrGg13hVspfEYzNk/s320/2.jpeg" width="239" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;">Emily holding on a baby monitor. They had both pink and blue straps but since we have 2 boys, one had to sacrifice. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">When she was first admitted, Emily had to keep baby monitors on her belly at all times. As she stabilized, she was permitted to be monitored twice daily, once in the morning and once at night. This was a cool time for us as we got to hear the heartbeats often, loud and clear. Those little guys moved around so much some days it could take up to 30 minutes to get both monitors to stay on at once. Several times we could hear our neighbors monitors as well. I wonder if the babies were communicating somehow...</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiy21GSO30rhpwTnCfAN_TQOZwLMEWdIrGMfhUZiE-LyuPrVnkDyrwxubIab6B8hrq1usM3YiZIv_XtZpiw_OkUZCXHX4PjiEfVXNaFOvJPu3ul69BZNs98tVMlecogdjijKQ1GJHHRMgQ/s1600/3.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiy21GSO30rhpwTnCfAN_TQOZwLMEWdIrGMfhUZiE-LyuPrVnkDyrwxubIab6B8hrq1usM3YiZIv_XtZpiw_OkUZCXHX4PjiEfVXNaFOvJPu3ul69BZNs98tVMlecogdjijKQ1GJHHRMgQ/s320/3.jpeg" width="239" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;">Enjoying her first time in the Serenity garden. This place had small waterfalls, ponds, beautiful plants and scripture written all around. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">After being confined to a hospital room for about 8 days, our doctor finally let me take Emily outside. As you can tell from the picture, she enjoyed the 20 minute break very well. It was a very serene place hidden downtown Nashville. Pretty neat...</span><br />
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Im trying to hold down the fort as best I can. Cooking, "cleaning", mowing, doing little projects to get ready, reading books on what to expect if you are a clueless guy, the usual. We appreciate all the prayers and Emily appreciates the visits from you guys. Now we are just in a waiting game. This isn't the summer that we had envisioned, but God has really taken us to some awesome places so we are waiting in anticipation for the future. Until next time...</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;">Sadie likes having someone to lounge around with al the time. She just doesn't realize whats resting underneath her head...</span></td></tr>
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Jaredhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01725776626220168802noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2240410231045896514.post-19377736255919141932013-05-17T19:07:00.000-07:002013-05-20T20:31:31.558-07:00"Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength.”<div style="text-align: center;">
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Making plans in life always seems like a good idea. It's thinking that our plans have some sort of authority that is humorous. Many times when our plans don't succeed we worry. Emily and I sat in this very hospital 3 nights ago after she had a scary episode of bleeding that led us to discover she had placenta previa. That day we were told that a previa at 26 weeks of pregnancy has little to no chance of moving. We were told that Emily would probably experience at least one more episode and when that occurred she would be in the hospital until she delivered. Of course they couldn't give us a timetable on when that might happen. We decided to pray and ask others to pray that the placenta would move and that Emily would be able to carry the boys close to full term. Two nights later as Emily went to bed, it happened again. </div>
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She lost alot of blood and I was there to see it all. The athletic trainer in me kicked in as I tried to manage her vital signs and clean up the area. We called the on-call OBGyn and were told to get to Baptist Hospital if I thought Emily could make it. The doctor made sure to let me know that I needed to take her to a hospital that delivers babies if we couldn't make it to Baptist. That is the comment that started my mind churning. I couldn't wrap my head around the idea that our boys could be delivered tonight. How long would they be in intensive care? How far behind proper developmental progress would they be at this point? Many other questions poured into my already overwhelmed mind as we pulled into the parking garage. I began to notice Emily losing color and getting faint. </div>
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They rushed her back into a room and began to draw more blood. I was really nervous at this point because I had seen firsthand the amount of blood that she lost already. The nurse let me know that they were drawing blood to send to the lab so that we would be ready for surgery. The doctor on call let us know that the neo-natal specialist was on standby and the nursery was also ready. Now my worrying was on high alert. I had not even imagined when I woke up Thursday morning that I may have 2 little tiny premature babies to care for. They gave Emily an IV and a medication to slow down her contractions just in time and she began to come around. </div>
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One thing we learned is that the cervix contracts and reacts to blood. When Emily bled, it moved through the cervix causing contractions. The nurses advised us to have another ultrasound to check the cause of the bleeding. We were pleasantly surprised to meet the same ultrasound tech that we had just 2 days prior. She had been called in just for us. She has no idea how much it meant to us when she told us that she was rushing in so that she could meet us at midnight. After about 20 minutes of looking around she told us that the boys looked great and she would discuss the rest of her findings with the doctor.</div>
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When we talked to the doctor after the ultrasound she informed us that the placenta that was sitting on the cervix (the one that wouldn't move) had moved. She said it was a miracle and not only had it moved but it had moved significantly! This is where the bleeding had come from. Emily stayed under constant observation throughout the night in the labor and delivery ward. The following day we were transferred to antepartum and she was taken off of full time monitoring. Her doctor visited us and let us know that she wanted Emily to stay here in the hospital for at least a couple of weeks while she hopefully stabilizes. </div>
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Today's lesson learned:</div>
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<em>God can prove himself to us over and over but we, out of human ignorance, make it so hard to fully trust the next time something tough hits us. I sit here in this room thinking about my worrying 24 long hours ago. Not only is everything okay, but something that 4 days ago was "impossible" has been overcome. I feel so ashamed. I continually ask for God's help and He remains faithful. It may not show up in the form I would prefer, but He is so so so faithful. When we worry, we are trying to control situations on our own. As much as I say I'm not going to worry, there I was last night full of worry and what ifs?</em> <em>My prayer tonight is that I would fully trust in the following verse:</em></div>
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<a class="bibleref" href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Proverbs+19%3A21&version=ESV">Proverbs 19:21</a><span class="note"> </span></div>
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Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the <span class="sc">Lord</span> that will stand. </div>
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***Emily is at Baptist Hospital in the mother and infant care unit on the 3rd floor, room 3206 for a couple weeks.<br />
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We are so touched by all the comments, tweets, texts and calls of encouragement. Emily is the toughest chick I know. She has endured so much through this whole process. Thank you for your prayers...</div>
Jaredhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01725776626220168802noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2240410231045896514.post-7472329269204728952013-05-15T07:23:00.000-07:002013-05-15T10:29:57.374-07:00Update 5/15/13<div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;">
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Well, here we sit at Baptist Hospital. Just 2 days ago Emily was having her maternity photo session, a day she had dreamed about for years. Now we sit in an observation room a day after we rushed Emily to the hospital for bleeding. This is just another chapter in our journey to be parents. As bleak as our situation looked yesterday, we understand that we are not in control.</div>
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We got here and they found both babies heartbeats. That relieved us both tremendously but still didn't explain the bleeding. She then was taken back for an ultrasound. Immediately our ultrasound tech (who was awesome) told us that Emily has a condition called placenta previa (Explained <a href="http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/placenta-previa/DS00588">here</a><span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969); font-size: 15px; line-height: 19px; white-space: nowrap;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica;">). </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">The premise of this condition is that one of the babies' placenta is covering the cervix causing bleeding.</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969); font-size: 15px; line-height: 19px; white-space: nowrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"> This bleeding can be harmful to the baby trying to get nutrients and also to Emily. The ultrasound showed that both boys are in perfect health and that everything else looks great. We are thankful for that. </span></span><span style="font-family: inherit;">The doctor told us this morning that Emily needs to be on bedrest for the remainder of her pregnancy. No fun. </span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969); font-size: 15px; line-height: 19px; white-space: nowrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">We are grateful for all of the prayers and support. We realized this road was going to be a long hard road a few years ago, we just didn't know how hard. </span></span><span style="font-family: inherit;">As we have said many times, God has used this situation to show us who He truly is. For that, regardless of our circumstances, we are eternally grateful. </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">It's just another example of life. It is unfair, it is unexpected, it is short, but it is such an awesome gift. We are still learning to cherish each day. </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">None of us are guaranteed another one. Thanks for loving us and supporting us. We will never be able to repay you but thank you from the bottom of our hearts. My lesson for the day is this:</span></div>
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<em>Too often we try to figure God out. He exists outside our world, outside our science, outside our capabilities. God wants us to trust Him for who He is, not for who we want Him to be. That's why we call it faith. It doesn't make tough situations any easier to explain, it makes the explanation less important. If I believe that He created the world it is crazy of me not to trust Him in my daily problems. My lesson for today is to understand that I may never understand.</em></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Now, if you know of any good movies, books, or shows that Emily might enjoy send them our way. We are hoping she has a couple months to relax...</span></span></div>
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</span>Jaredhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01725776626220168802noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2240410231045896514.post-70972294298381875572013-05-13T14:41:00.000-07:002013-05-13T12:37:12.015-07:001 Samuel 1:27<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
<a href="http://hope4afamily.blogspot.com/2012/07/hope-for-family.html">Learn about our infertility struggle here</a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: #262626;"> Everyone has their
mess. That is a phrase that really stuck with me. As Emily and I have gone
through the past 4 years, our mess has been infertility. It has been a
challenge on many levels for us: emotionally, physically, spiritually,
mentally, socially, and so on. We all have things in our lives that we struggle
with, and for this season of our lives, it has been the struggle to start a
family. I can only express to you but can't make you truly understand the true
emotions of this struggle unless you have been through it yourself, much like
my lack of true understanding for what someone with a terminal disease goes
through. We have spent the last almost 4 years feeling awkward, angry,
confused, discouraged, sad, and happy. It has been a rollercoaster that we
can't seem to get off. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="color: #262626;"><u1:p></u1:p> We
appreciate the sensitivity that has been shown to us, but are also sad at the
relationships that have changed drastically because of our situation. Whenever
something doesn't go our way in life, it is easy for us to shut down and wait
for it to pass. I'm as guilty of this as anyone. This blog has been an attempt
to change that. We have many friends with kids who just don't seem to have much
in common with a couple without kids. We can't relate in those conversations
that are centered around the crazy things the kids did this week and how they
are the center of your world. The most uncomfortable moments are those that
happen when no one has any idea that you are struggling. It seems like not a
day has gone by when someone has asked me a question along the lines of,
"when are y'all gonna start popping some kids out?" As if it is just
that simple for everyone. We were at a friend’s house one night and had a
random girl say, "I can't even let my husband touch me without getting
pregnant!" Those are the shots to the gut and the things that can reduce
your optimism to nothing. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="color: #262626;"><u1:p></u1:p> There
is no perfect thing to say, no magic words to write but we have come to realize
that our mess is just like everyone else's. Everyone has insecurities, shortcomings,
failures, and weaknesses. We are all human and life happens to every single one
of us. There is no way we can all be perfectly sensitive to each unique
circumstance. What we can do is care for others as Christ cares for us. I can't
give hope to someone battling with drug abuse, but God can. I can't promise
eternal Joy after someone has lost a loved one, but God can. I can't give
unconditional unsurpassed love to someone that they can't explain after
terrible things have happened to them in their past, but God can. Our goal
should be to demonstrate those attributes as best as we humanly can while
pointing people to the ultimate giver of hope and love. </span><o:p></o:p><br />
</span><br />
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<span style="color: #262626;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"> Emily
and I thought a long time about whether to open up and share our story. We
prayed about and discussed the embarrassment, the privacy, people opposed to
the idea, public hurt, and disappointment but felt led to share. We are so glad
that we did. Our journey has put us in contact with so many wonderful people
who are now a part of our lives. We have met other couples who have struggled
and are currently struggling with infertility that put a whole new perspective
on our problems. We have been overwhelmed with the financial, prayerful,
emotional and verbal support from so many people that will we will never be
able to thank you enough for. We are so excited to tell our children that so
many of our friends, family, and people we didn't even know made it possible
for them to be here.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #262626; font-family: "inherit","serif";"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9oR-b7hyphenhyphenjcRQPiMLZ7pL0MW3xy3wAlfmcq1YfGwJqjuogQXQSwCtQ7-3RdO9O4IbPlYDxsFXA59XK8oY2n2QqrYDBRfLBGHc28bkdH5wstt7y2M7yyoUj_bC6rOoXf4j2lgaYEIT6_08/s1600/preg.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9oR-b7hyphenhyphenjcRQPiMLZ7pL0MW3xy3wAlfmcq1YfGwJqjuogQXQSwCtQ7-3RdO9O4IbPlYDxsFXA59XK8oY2n2QqrYDBRfLBGHc28bkdH5wstt7y2M7yyoUj_bC6rOoXf4j2lgaYEIT6_08/s400/preg.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">(1 Samuel 1:27)</span><span style="color: #262626; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 9pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
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<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: #262626; font-family: "inherit","serif";"> Emily had her
first ultrasound January 2 and it was visibly confirmed to us that there are
children (plural) on the way! She is only about 9 weeks along and there is
still a long way to go, but we wanted to share our news and ask for your
continued prayers for the well-being of our tiny little miracles. (Emily does have a subchorionic hemorrhage so please be praying for that to go away!) There is so
much discussion on when to "announce". We are over it. God blessed us
through many friends, family and strangers making us realize that the suport we
have received is something we want around us always, regardless of
circumstances. We do not know gender yet, but do know that there are two. Now
as happy as we are, our hearts still break for couples who, like us, are having
a tough time trying to start a family of their own. </span><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">
<u1:p></u1:p>
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<span style="color: #262626;"><br /><span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span></span><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: #262626; font-family: "inherit","serif";">Finally, I
wanted to say a word to anyone currently going through a struggle. If that
struggle is infertility, please talk to us. We understand how hard the baby
announcements, the baby bump pictures, the Facebook apps that tell everyone
your baby is the size of walnut, Christmases with the kids running around, and
talk of babies everywhere can be. If your struggle is something else, give it
to God. He can offer so much more than any therapist, anonymous meeting, Dr.
Phil, or any other earthly resource could ever offer. God has used our
situation to bring us closer to Him. It wasn't the way I wanted, but that is
the important part. We got to the place of full surrender and full trust in His
plan that we were nowhere near 4 years ago. </span><o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<u1:p></u1:p>
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</span></span><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: #262626; font-family: "inherit","serif";">Anyone around
me lately knows I have adopted "I am Second" as my life's motto. I
have challenged myself to truly </span><span style="color: #262626; font-size: 9pt;"><a href="http://books.google.com/books/about/Live_Second.html?id=ihohJsvHNioC"><span style="font-family: "inherit","serif"; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="color: blue;">live second</span></span></a></span><span style="color: #262626; font-family: "inherit","serif";"> in as many areas of my
life as I can. I </span><span style="color: #262626; font-size: 9pt;"><a href="http://www.iamsecond.com/challenges/22day/"><span style="font-family: "inherit","serif"; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="color: blue;">challenge</span></span></a></span></span><span style="color: #262626; font-family: "inherit","serif";"><span style="font-family: inherit;"> you to do the same.
Amazing things happen when God shows up</span>.</span><span style="color: #262626; font-size: 9pt;"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: Times New Roman;">
</span></span>Jaredhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01725776626220168802noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2240410231045896514.post-24187763799737796172013-05-13T12:35:00.001-07:002013-05-13T12:41:13.967-07:00Bittersweet Mother's Day<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"> Today is a bittersweet but different day….It’s Mother’s Day.
As I woke up this morning I felt overjoyed. Today is a day I can actually
celebrate being a mother. Then again, I think back to 4 years ago, especially
last year, when I dreaded this day, cried tears of pain, skipped church due
to all the Mother’s being acknowledged as I stayed seated and had so many
questions as to why I had to go through this agony. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"> I say this day is bittersweet because I celebrate the
miracles God has given us while at the same time my heart hurts and always will
ache for my those who yearn to become mothers
and experience the same emotions I felt on Mother’s Day. As I cried today, I
cried tears of joy and tears of pain. Infertility, as we have said before, is
something no one will understand unless you have walked the path. Days like
Mother’s and Father’s Day are very difficult. I remember years of being in church and
seeing all the Mother’s stand and be honored. My heart broke as I longed to
stand. Today was different…I was able to stand but was hesitant as I thought
about other women sitting around me. I remember that
feeling of emptiness and longing to stand and say “I’m a mom.” As I stood
today, tears fell as I placed my hand on my belly, prayed and thanked God for
the 2 miracles he has allowed me to carry. As I held Jared’s hand I was overwhelmed by emotions.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"> <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Jared read me an article this morning about a
woman who longed to be a mother. She sent this letter to a pastor regarding the
acknowledgment of mothers in church on Mother’s Day. Tears swelled up as he read it to me. We know
Pastors have good intentions but a woman should be acknowledged in every way,
not just because she is a mother. The author encouraged church's to recognize women as follows :<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span><em>To those who gave birth this year to their
first child—we celebrate with you, </em></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><em>To those who lost a child this year – we
mourn with you, To those who are in the trenches with little ones every day and
wear the badge of food stains – we appreciate you, To those who experienced
loss through miscarriage, failed adoptions, or running away—we mourn with you, To
those who walk the hard path of infertility, fraught with pokes, prods, tears,
and disappointment – we walk with you. Forgive us when we say foolish things.
We don’t mean to make this harder than it is, To those who are foster moms,
mentor moms, and spiritual moms – we need you, To those who have warm and close
relationships with your children – we celebrate with you, To those who have
disappointment, heart ache, and distance with your children – we sit with you, To
those who lost their mothers this year – we grieve with you, To those who
experienced abuse at the hands of your own mother – we acknowledge your
experience, To those who lived through driving tests, medical tests, and the
overall testing of motherhood – we are better for having you in our midst, To
those who are single and long to be married and mothering your own children -
we mourn that life has not turned out the way you longed for it to be, but we
know that God has amazing plans for you, To those who step-parent - we walk with
you on these complex paths, To those who envisioned lavishing love on
grandchildren, yet that dream is not to be - we grieve with you, To those who
will have emptier nests in the upcoming year – we grieve and rejoice with you ,To
those who placed children up for adoption – we commend you for your
selflessness and remember how you hold that child in your heart And to those
who are pregnant with new life, both expected and surprising –we anticipate
with you.</em> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"> As I end this entry, I encourage everyone who is a mother
to be sensitive to others on days like today. You never know what another woman is going
through or what kind of burden she is carrying. There can sometimes be a heavy burden hiding behind a simple smile. I know it is the polite thing to
say “Happy Mother’s Day” to women but I remember that feeling when I heard
those words and wanted to say….”I’m not a mom, thanks for reminding me that
I’m not.” I encourage women who are waiting to start their families to remember these
verses:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"> <em>Cast all your cares and anxieties and worries on him, for he cares for
you affectionately and cares about you watchfully. <strong>1 Peter 5: 7<o:p></o:p></strong></em></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><em>Thank God in everything no matter what the circumstance may
be, be thankful and give him thanks for this is the will of God for you who are
in Christ Jesus. <strong>1 Thessalonians 5:18<o:p></o:p></strong></em></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><em>Come to me all who labor and are heavy laden and
overburdened and I will cause you to rest. I will ease and relieve and refresh
your souls. Take my yoke upon you and learn of me, for I am gentle and humble
in heart and you will find rest for your souls. <strong>Matthew 11: 28-29<o:p></o:p></strong></em></span></div>
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Jaredhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01725776626220168802noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2240410231045896514.post-30771615605786543252013-04-23T14:04:00.000-07:002013-04-24T14:05:49.269-07:00Suffer for something<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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There are times in our lives when things don't seem fair. Suffering in our lives takes all different shapes and none of them seem to be easy. As Emily and I suffered through years of not being able to have children our hearts were constantly heavy. I looked alot of places for what the purpose of human suffering might be. I realize that our trial is nothing in comparison to what many people face on a daily basis. I also realize that the only place I found any hope was in the Bible. <br />
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When we suffer we have a choice to make. We can try to figure out how not to hurt on our own or we can turn to a proven method. As I researched suffering in books and online, I found that most people turn to material things (money, drugs, alcohol, stuff) to cover up their hurt only giving them a false, temporary sense of relief. Drugs wear off, alcohol leaves your body, and things wear down. I continued to read about people who turn to "self help" books and self-determination I also began to listen to people's stories. The more I listened the more it became perfectly clear that people who go through trials and surrender their lives to Jesus just seem happier and more content. I wondered why I had never realized this before. In my short existence on this earth, I have never truly doubted the existence of a creator. I had not, however, put together the fact that people who try to figure life's struggles out on their own always seem to hit a wall in the end. On the other hand people who live for a life focused outwardly many times go to their graves singing the goodness of God smiling and fulfilled. I recently read 1 Peter 4 which includes the following encouraging words:<br />
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<em>Dear friends, don’t be surprised at the fiery trials you are going through, as if something strange were happening to you. Instead, be very glad—for these trials make you partners with Christ in his suffering, so that you will have the wonderful joy of seeing his glory when it is revealed to all the world. But it is no shame to suffer for being a Christian. Praise God for the privilege of being called by his name! So if you are suffering in a manner that pleases God, keep on doing what is right, and trust your lives to the God who created you, for he will never fail you. (1 Peter 4:12, 13, 16, 19 NLT)</em><br />
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If we are living our lives sold out to the One who created us, our suffering has a purpose. Our suffering has a reason. We are "suffering in a manner that pleases God." If we are living daily to benefit ourselves, our suffering many times becomes a burden that we spend the rest of our lives trying to cover up. Give it up. <br />
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We still struggle everyday. Our future is likely to hold even more, but one key thing our future also holds is hope. God showed Emily and I that regardless of the outcome of our situation, He will make good out of it. We have hope that whatever happens will be used to show how good God is, not how good we are. My encouragement to you is that regardless of what you are going through, you can have that same hope. It doesn't remove struggles and it doesn't remove pain, but it enables our suffering count for something. He will never fail you (those are His words.)Jaredhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01725776626220168802noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2240410231045896514.post-74184795261945470272013-01-15T20:03:00.000-08:002013-03-02T08:07:28.853-08:00Boy oh Boy, God is Faithful!<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPfu7OKPk756uvKRuEQEeQJWFsePQ09iO8VLOmHWcYzBKleE10xY3Nzfl5mlBZpsU57IcaYH7WqrGI7quVGSDDm2mWl-fzZmBA905CviWfY1jMKIigl6Indl2qKJVvpaIdvhQDkqb3kdE/s1600/dd.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPfu7OKPk756uvKRuEQEeQJWFsePQ09iO8VLOmHWcYzBKleE10xY3Nzfl5mlBZpsU57IcaYH7WqrGI7quVGSDDm2mWl-fzZmBA905CviWfY1jMKIigl6Indl2qKJVvpaIdvhQDkqb3kdE/s320/dd.JPG" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Our sweet sister-in-law, Holly White, threw us a gender reveal party. We had some of our family over to find out what the gender of each of our babies was. Holly did an awesome job with making it suspenseful. We each got to choose a mustache or a set of lips based on which gender we thought the babies were. </span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">(Our nephew Cade guessed girls...) </td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Holly and Emily</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">After that, Holly gave us each a black balloon. She said that each balloon was either filled with all blue, all pink, or a mix of both. We all popped our balloons at the same time and here is how it went...</span><br />
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Emily: "Looks like I'm still the queen bee!"<br />
Jared: <span style="font-family: inherit;">"2 boys!!! </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">The Man Cave is here to stay!!!!"</span><br />
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MORE PICS TO COME...</div>
<br />Jaredhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01725776626220168802noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2240410231045896514.post-76784540950240271102013-01-15T11:01:00.000-08:002013-02-27T11:23:48.055-08:00Story Time<div style="text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">We all have a story to tell. So why do we so often let the opportunity go by to share our struggle with someone else? Fear of rejection, pride, low self esteem, selfishness, and apathy all top the long list of possible reasons. I never told my story. In fact, I didn't think I had a story. Alot of people feel the same way. "I have no life experience, nothing crazy has ever happened to me. I feel inferior to people who have life-altering stories." Cool things happen to people, just as often as bad things do. I believe that it is up to us to make our stories worth telling. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">Before I go too far, I do think there is a difference between a story worth telling and a story that isn't. I argue, however, that that difference is you. Emily and I spent four years battling infertility, but we weren't alone. Many couples face the exact same issue daily, some for even far longer than we. One of the most prevalent issues that I see college kids face is dealing with parents who get divorced. Many broken homes, broken hearts and broken stories. Some kids come out on one side of divorce with anger, resentment and an "I’ll-show-them attitude." Others come out confused, lonely, feeling unloved and not sure how to cope. Similar situation, completely different story. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">This is where the true story is told. "Life happened, but then..." Some of the greatest stories are the ones we hear on primetime news specials or that go viral on the internet. Stories like the surfer girl who lost her arm but continues to surf and smile now. A family who lost everything in a natural disaster but the community rallied around them and provided them with a new life. These are stories of determination, of love, of overcoming. Think about if all of these stories had just stopped with "Life Happened." The point I am attempting to make is that life happens to us all; some good, some bad. It is up to us to help finish the story. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">We are all created unique but not exclusive. We are all different but all have the same basic outline: birth, life, death. I heard someone speak once about the "dash." Asking, "what will your dash be?" The dash was a reference to the dash that goes on our gravestone in between our first day of life and our last. We may not all be born into the same set of circumstances, but we all have the ability to do the best with what we have. That is your story. How will you contribute to the lives of the people around you in your short time on this earth? </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">As humans, we are born ignorant and most of us have a really hard time shaking that as we get older. When life happens, many times we try to toughen up and handle it ourselves. I know from personal experience that this strategy leads to a terrible story. It wasn't until I realized that to make my story worth telling, I couldn't make it about me. That's our choice. The good and the bad in our lives can all help someone. I truly believe that we go through things in this life sometimes not to benefit us at all, but for someone else. It is up to us to share our experiences, struggles, concerns, and thoughts so that when others face those same times, they have hope and encouragement. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">God gives us life and He gives us opportunities. He also gives us free will to either realize that He is in control of our "dash" or remain ignorant. Your choice. </span></div>
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Jaredhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01725776626220168802noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2240410231045896514.post-70062855933898571852013-01-01T13:35:00.000-08:002013-06-12T07:46:54.489-07:00Doctors Visits<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><strong><span style="color: #3d85c6;">January 2</span></strong>: first ultrasound at NFC. Saw twins and heard the heartbeats. 132 and 134. Both babies looked perfect in size. Today I am 6 weeks 6 days</span></div>
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1/2/13</div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><strong><span style="color: #3d85c6;">January 16</span></strong>: 2nd ultrasound at NFC. Both babies are growing at 20.8 and 21.8. Today I am 8 weeks 6 days. I have a small hemorrhage that caused some bleeding but should go away on its own. After this visit I am released to my OB at Baptist Hospital in Nashville.</span></div>
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1/16/13</div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><strong><span style="color: #3d85c6;">January 30</span></strong>: Saw my OB for the first time. A new chapter! Today I am 11 weeks. Babies look great. Heartbeats were 174 and 183. We saw some hand motion on the relaxed baby and alot of moving from the active one. They have grown tremendously. The hemorrhage is no longer there!</span> <br />
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1/30/13</div>
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<strong><span style="color: #3d85c6;">February 27</span></strong>: Today was our second ultrasound with our OB. Today was going to be a big day as we could possibly find out the gender of both babies. Well..... we were able to determine the gender. (<a href="http://hope4afamily.blogspot.com/2013/01/boy-oh-boy.html">Check out "reveal party" here</a>) Today's ultrasound was different. I was able to lay down and watch the ultrasound on a screen on the wall. What miracles we saw. Today they weighed 4 oz about the size of a half of a can. Their heartbeats were both 157 which they said was rare but very cool. How unique! Both babies were very active today and measured perfect. We were able to see the spine, feet, legs, hear the heartbeat and see it beating, we saw their arms and little hands move. I also noticed a little pug nose. Dr. Crowe said everything looked perfect. The babies are now positioned beside one another. </div>
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"Baby A"</div>
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2/27/13</div>
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"Baby B"</div>
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2/27/13</div>
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<span style="color: #3d85c6;"><strong>March 25, 2013</strong></span> (19weeks): Ultrasound was very short today. The boys are growing and heart rates looked good. They are still growing on track. They did not move alot during this ultrasound today. But it's always so exciting and surreal to see them each appointment. </div>
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<span style="color: #3d85c6;"><strong>April 8, 2013</strong></span> (20 1/2 weeks): Today's ultrasound was very long as we had the anatomy scan and I had my glucose test. The anatomy scan took an hour and a half only because baby A decided to not be still so the nurse could check his profile. By almost 2 hours she stopped and will try next appt since baby A wouldn't cooperate, however, he did give us a wave. They have grown so much. Right when the nurse began to scan on the monitor and right off I noticed baby B is a thumb sucker. As I know this is a bad habit, I was so thrilled to see his precious thumb in his mouth as I was a thumb sucker. Baby A seemed to be performing acrobats in his picture. Both weigh 14 oz and are measuring perfectly. Right now I am only feeling flutters that feel somewhat like butterflies in my stomach and tiny small kicks every now and then. Today was also special as my mother and father-in-law were able to see their grand babies. It was a special moment for them. I was so glad they were able to see the boys. Jeff (father-in-law) made the comment while looking at the monitor, " how can anyone say there is no God as we gaze at these 2 miracles?" I do wonder the same thing. It's so incredible how God designed a woman's body to carry his child or children. It truly is miraculous. Everyday I thank God for allowing me to feel the 2 lives he's blessed Jared and I with. I've longed to feel what a miracle feels like and am so thankful God has entrusted me with his children. </div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: #3d85c6;"><strong>May 1, 2013</strong></span> (23 1/2 weeks)<br />Today was just a routine check-up. My ultrasound was taken upstairs with the Fetal medicine Group to get a better look at where my placenta is. The ultrasound showed my placenta is still covering my cervix completely. Our prayer is that the placenta moves. The US tech did another anatomy scan of the boys. Aiden weighs 1.8 and Taylor weighs 1.7 and both look great! Dr. Crowe was pleased at their weight as they both individually weigh as much as a single baby.</span> </div>
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Baby A-Aiden</div>
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Baby B-Taylor</div>
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<span style="color: #3d85c6;"><strong>May 30, 2013</strong></span> (28 weeks)</div>
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Before I was released from the hospital, I had another ultrasound. These are the pictures from that US. Everything looked great and the babies measured 2.6 and 2.9oz. (Average weight for a baby at this stage is 2.22oz.) We are thrilled that they are healthy and growing!</div>
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Jaredhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01725776626220168802noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2240410231045896514.post-71773494544436324192012-12-03T19:53:00.000-08:002012-12-03T16:38:57.147-08:00Hope for A Family.<iframe allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen" frameborder="0" height="480" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/RgZnDcHwkIk" width="640"></iframe>
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Jaredhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01725776626220168802noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2240410231045896514.post-72501593195595758542012-12-03T16:38:00.000-08:002012-12-03T16:38:39.640-08:00Mother's/Father's Day<div style="text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><strong><u>(Hit play on the video first)</u></strong></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"> Emily and I are having our first ever (and prayerfully last) embryo transfer tomorrow. As excited as we are about finally being to this point in our journey, we are hesitant to get overly optimistic. We have received such encouragement from so many people but some very touching words over the past 24 hours. Some very special people, whom we have come into contact with through our infertility journey, both reminded us that regardless of the outcome from this IVF cycle tomorrow, at least for a little while, we will be parents to our own little babies. I had never really thought about it like that before. What an awesome thought! We know that (one way or another) we will be parents someday but tomorrow we celebrate our own Mother's/Father's Day.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">We understand that regardless of what happens in the future, God has transformed both of our lives and taken us to a place of 100% reliance on Him. I pray that everyone who reads this can come to this place easier than we did, but know that it is a place full of peace, hope, safety, and more love than any earthly child could ever bring to our lives. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">The song in the video below has been one of our anchors. A line that we have clung to says, "You are everything you've promised, your faithfulness is true." The name of the song is "Waiting Here For You" and couldn't more accurately describe the past 3+years for us. Beleiving that there is a reason for the bad times isn't easy but man is it powerful! We appreciate any prayers that you can give us over the next few weeks but we know that God hasn't taken us to this place to abandon us. In a year from now, babies or no babies, He will be first. I pray that if anyone is reading this now and struggling/searching/waiting for something of your own that you stop pretending that you can handle it on your own. Trust me, I tried...</span></div>
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Jaredhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01725776626220168802noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2240410231045896514.post-6034951943307124262012-11-21T18:49:00.000-08:002013-01-22T06:19:36.299-08:00What to do?<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">I wanted to give an update on our infertility status. After we were prompted to cancel our first IVF cycle, because the medications didn't work like the doctor wanted them to, we were frustrated and had a hard time deciding what to do next. We aren't getting the money that we spent on Emily's first round of medications back but we still have a majority of the funds left for the IVF cycle itself. We decided that we would do another cycle now based on what the doctor told us concerning Emily's endometriosis growing back. I have posted about how difficult the Holidays are for us and we were glad that our IVF cycle was scheduled to by done (one way or another) by the end of October. Now, it seems that we will get the news about 2 weeks before Christmas. Another addition to the roller coaster that we have been on for over 3 years. I ran across an article that I wish I could share with everyone that knows our situation. It is written by a woman who was unable to have children herself and has now adopted but it covers the "What to do" concerning infertile couples. Honestly, I think we could all use a "What to do" on issues that would help us to treat others as they want to be treated. Anyhow, the link is here: (<a href="http://www.resolve.org/support-and-services/for-family--friends/infertility-etiquette.html">http://www.resolve.org/support-and-services/for-family--friends/infertility-etiquette.html</a>). </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">As far as where we are now, if I am being honest, we are exhausted. I know Emily is tired of the injections (4 a day), I am tired of waiting, we are worn out from the "What if's", and are really tired of people feeling sorry for us. Infertility is no fun. We have decided that we will go through with this cycle and be done with fertility treatments. In Psalms 38 David cries out to God saying "I am completely exhausted and crushed...You know what I long for Lord...I am waiting for you Lord, You must answer me...Come quickly..." I know David wasn't crying out because he wanted his wife to get pregnant but I really related to his honest, heartfelt cries. I also relate with the following chapter, verse 7, when he says "Lord, where do I put my hope? My only hope is in you." Wow. What amazing faith! David went through alot but what I love most about him is that he was honest with God. We can learn alot from his life. Too many times I feel like God has put a burden on us and walked away. I think He wants us to be honest with Him. Its okay to tell Him how you feel but know that He will never leave us or forsake us (Hebrews 13:5). I am so thankful for how God has strengthened our faith through this journey. I am also grateful for how so many people have supported us for so long now. Please pray for us over the next few weeks that regardless of the outcome, God will get glory. Thank you for taking the time to read this and to try to understand a bit more. If there is any way that we can help you or encourage you please let us know. </span><br />
<br />Jaredhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01725776626220168802noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2240410231045896514.post-15981626812302288392012-11-15T07:53:00.000-08:002013-07-08T16:42:15.105-07:00Belly Pics<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Look at 'em grow...</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">9 Weeks</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">12 Weeks</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">14 Weeks</span><br />
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18 Weeks</div>
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20 Weeks <br />
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22 Weeks</div>
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24 weeks</div>
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May 12, 2013-26 Weeks</div>
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28 Weeks (taking a break from bedrest)</div>
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32 Weeks</div>
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Jaredhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01725776626220168802noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2240410231045896514.post-48351553906345198092012-09-23T15:58:00.000-07:002012-09-24T18:56:36.573-07:009/23 Update<div style="text-align: center;">
<img height="312" id="il_fi" src="http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/tm/2008/12/05/plane_sky_428x269_to_468x312.jpg" style="padding-bottom: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px;" width="468" /></div>
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<span style="color: #262626; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Life seems so much
easier when things are going your way doesn't it? Emily and I have had quite
the roller coaster of a week. I'm currently writing this on a plane
headed to Mexico with 2 guys from our church to plan mission trips for small
groups to Playa Del Carmen, Mexico. I have been praying for several years
now that God would use me to go anywhere that He needed me to go and this
opportunity came out of no where. I don't know what will come of this but I
do that He has put me on this plane for a reason. One hour prior to boarding,
Emily called me to give me her second update this week from the fertility
clinic. She was scheduled to get an evaluation to see how ready she was for
next week's egg retrieval. We thought that this visit was basically to tell
us whether or not she needed more medication to stimulate her through the
weekend or not. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #262626; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: inherit;"> Rewind 5 days prior.
We were having a yard sale to help raise money for our treatments. We prayed
that the money we raised would cover most of the cost of the medications. We
raised a total of $500 from items that our friends had given us to sell.
Emily's medications totaled $3500 and we were still $3000 short of that
number. We received a phone call the very next day that some members of
my parents church in Kentucky had given us $2000 and we got another gift the
following totaling $1100!!! God had provided, through the generosity of others,
the entire amount we needed! We were on a high and couldn't wait to see
what God had in store for us this week. Just before I boarded my plane Emily
called with some bad news, the clinic has decided that she did not have enough
follicles stimulated to produce a good number of eggs which would give us low
chances of success if we moved forward. They recommended that we stop our
IVF cycle and try a different stimulation plan later. Crushed. We
are both crushed. Why wouldn't God use that awesome opportunity for His
glory right now?! </span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #262626; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: inherit;"> There are so many verses that I could use but Jeremiah 29:11 is the one
I have clung to. God has plans for us, plans for ALL of us. Plans to give
us hope and a future. The main thing I have to stay focused on is that this
future is for His glory, not mine, not Emily's, not our children's. We all have things happen to us that we may never understand. We must use those circumstances in our lives for good and not dwell on things we can't control. If your happiness comes from your circumstances you will always be disappointed. If your joy comes from Christ, it will sustain you through those rough patches. Today, I am thankful for the process and thankful for the awesome life that I have been given with so many chances to tell people about what it really means to have Joy. Thank you all for your prayers and support. If we can help you in any way, please let us know.</span></span></div>
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Jaredhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01725776626220168802noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2240410231045896514.post-90270410011548970252012-09-23T09:17:00.000-07:002012-10-25T11:55:29.608-07:00The weight of "wait"<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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One thing that I have never been very good at is waiting. Some of my pet peeves are focused around waiting. I get very impatient if I have to wait in line behind more than 2 people in a checkout line, when I know something is being shipped to me, and when I'm traveling. There is nothing I can do to speed up any of these scenarios. In fact, if I try to impose my own will in these situations there is a good chance that I will slow the process down. Any of you who have ever had to wait on something for an extended period of time know what I am talking about. <br />
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Emily and I have been in a holding pattern of sorts for several years now. We have tried many different routes of pregnancy with each one requiring us to wait several weeks for results. After an IUI, we have to wait 2 weeks until Emily can take a pregnancy test, if that is negative we have to wait another 2 weeks until we can try again. We have been through this cycle 3 times. Now that we have begun IVF treatments the waiting is much longer. First we wait for Emily's cycle to start, then we wait until the nurse instructs us to begin medications, then we wait until she goes in for diagnostic testings. This is as far as we have gotten. We will start that process over again this week. As we have come to find out, trying to do things on our schedule has become laughable. I have written previously about our difficult Christmas after we had been trying to start a family for a year. We now are faced with the end of our IVF cycle being just before Christmas this year. What exciting news if we are expecting at that time but what a crappy way to start another holiday season if we aren't. <br />
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Scriptures say that the Lord is good to those who wait (Lam 3:25). I can personally attest to this. He has blessed Emily and I beyond our wildest dreams. Not with children, not with money, but with health, family, true Joy, great friends, and a strong relationship centered around Him. I read recently that God's plan is ongoing and if we are seeking His will daily we should trust that He has us exactly where He wants us even if we think we are going no where. A harsh reality of life is that we go through things that we may never get an explanation for and being a Christ follower doesn't make those crappy times go away. For us, waiting around to start a family (however that happens) is no fun. The constant holding pattern is a heavy load but is only heavier if we try to carry it ourselves. Some people wait for healing, a mate, an answer, a break, whatever that wait is, trust that it is part of a greater plan. <br />
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I like to look at God like an undefeated coach of a team, He will give you everything you need to win the game, you just have to play and trust in His gameplan. Once you start doing things like questioning the play calling, your equipment, what the media said, how big your opponent is and things like that you are destined to fail. A good gameplan finishes with a win regardless of what some of the plays looked like or the margin of victory. Trust God for the win in your life regardless of how long you wait for it. If you are just playing for fun, whats the point when the game is over? </div>
Jaredhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01725776626220168802noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2240410231045896514.post-24094863543505497522012-08-01T13:29:00.000-07:002013-02-05T13:32:14.491-08:00Calendar Round 1This is a way for us to let you know exactly what we are doing when we do it. The IVf procedure has many, many layers to it and we wanted everyone to be able to go through this journey with us as much as possible. It is around a 55 day process...<br />
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<span style="color: blue;">July 27, 2012- Bloodwork prerequisites</span><br />
-<span style="color: lime;">these tests let the doctors know if we had any communicable diseases as well as if anything that we hadn't seen yet might affect the IVF process</span><br />
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<span style="color: blue;">August 8, 2012- IVF Class</span><br />
-<span style="color: lime;">this class is an informative requirement prior to our IVF procedure. We will learn specifics about our procedure and get a timetable for what to expect</span><br />
<span style="color: lime;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;">August 20, 2012- And so it begins...</span><br />
<span style="color: lime;"> -today is the first official day of our IVF plan. Emily spoke with our nurse and she has given us a calendar with much more specific dates. We will try to start posting ahead of time.</span><br />
<span style="color: lime;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;">August 22-29 2012- Begin Medications</span><br />
<span style="color: lime;"> -we were both placed on an antibiotic to rid our bodies of any possible infection that we may be carrying as we move forward. Emily was also placed on birth control (odd, we know) to decrease cysts that may form on her ovaries and also to regulate her cycle so that the clinic can more accurately predict when we are ready for certain steps</span><br />
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(Emily will have all of these medications ingested or injected by the 2nd week of October!)</div>
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<span style="color: blue;">September 2nd- Begin Lupron Injections</span><br />
<span style="color: blue;"> </span><span style="color: lime;">-Emily started Lupron injections which work to supress stimulation of her ovaries so that she isn't over stimulated when that time comes. I give her a shot each morning for a few weeks...</span><br />
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<span style="color: blue;">September 12th- Supression check, pelvic ultrasound, trial embryo transfer, more bloodwork...</span><br />
<span style="color: lime;"> -this is our first visit to the clinic since we have started the process. Emily will have a pelvic ultrasound to see how things look, have bloodwork to check her estrogen levels, and have a trial embryo transfer which allows the doctors to determine the best way to implant the embryos when that time comes. They use this technique to "map" the path that will ultimately be most successful for the actual embryo transfer...</span><br />
<span style="color: lime;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;">September 15th- Hormone shots and restrictions...</span><br />
<span style="color: lime;"> -I (Emily) began taking the FSH hormone Bravelle twice a week along with the lupron shot for a total of 3 shots a day.The Bravelle stimulates multiple ovarian follicles. This is the lovely hormone that will increase my ovary size to a grapefruit. I cannot lift over 10 pds and can only do light walking. I'm also taking an oral medication called Dexamethasone. This improves the ovarian response to hyperstimulation.It's a type of steroid. </span><br />
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<span style="color: blue;">September 21-Stimulation check, bloodwork and bad news...</span><br />
<span style="color: lime;"> -I went in for a stimulation check to see how many follicles I had that could produce eggs for next weeks egg retrieval. I only had 4 follicles the size that they wanted and they recommend having 5 or more to move forward with the IVF cycle. We were advised to cancel this current cycle and start medications over again when my cycle begins. More shots, more time, but also more stories. God is faithful. </span>Jaredhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01725776626220168802noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2240410231045896514.post-69321364693352751052012-07-07T15:06:00.000-07:002012-08-10T15:07:57.304-07:00When awkward becomes normal...<div style="text-align: center;">
<em>* This is a somewhat lengthy post about our IVF class and where we stand now.</em> <em>Thanks for reading.</em></div>
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<img height="300" id="il_fi" src="http://whatthecluck.files.wordpress.com/2011/02/photo2.jpg" style="padding-bottom: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px;" width="400" /></div>
<br /><span style="color: #262626; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> Today Emily
and I had our required IVF class. We thought we were prepared for the
information that they were going to share with us. I mean how hard is it
to make a baby?! Well we got to the clinic early and waited around with a few
other couples that, judging by their demeanor, were in the same situation we
were in. Guys act funny in the fertility clinic. As I looked around
this morning, the women all thumbed through their paperwork that we were to
read over as the guys just all glanced up occasionally from our phones trying
to stay calm and give off the " I've got this under control" vibe.
We don't. Infertility is a quiet topic for most people, but a group of
men sitting around in a fertility clinic waiting to sit through a discussion
about menstrual cycles, hormones, and fallopian tubes doesn't give off the same
vibe that sitting in a sports bar does. </span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #262626; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"> We were
called back and followed the other couples through 3 sets of doors to a nice
conference room complete with a kitchenette, a view of the Nashville skyline,
and a huge flat screen TV encased in a large elegant book shelf. As we
took our places around the large conference table we surveyed the room for
signs that might make us feel like this procedure is guaranteed to work.
Much to our dismay, there weren't any. A nurse in her mid to late 30's
got our attention and notified us that the class was going to begin. She stood
in her lab coat a bit nervous but eager to instruct and so she began the
presentation. </span></span></div>
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through slide after slide explaining exactly how the process works. We
knew that this was not going to be easy but we had no idea how many variables
come into play. She explained exactly how they get the eggs and how they
fertilize them and eventually how the embryos are placed back into the uterus.
This is crazy crazy stuff. The process of having a child is already amazing but
the fact that scientists can now assist couples that cannot conceive on their
own blows my mind. I did take some comfort in the fact that I could tell the
other couples were as anxious as we were. There was a couple sitting next to us
that seemed to be around our age that couldn't stop talking every time the nurse
stated a fact. With a sort of awkward laughing and giggling they would nudge
each other almost as though the idea of this actually working for them had not
crossed their minds yet. As we sat there listening to the presentation I
couldn't help but wonder if the nurse herself had ever had fertility issues.
Sure her jokes were funny, her smile was soothing, and she made the process
seem like it was almost guaranteed to work, but as I looked around the room I
just wondered if all these other people were as scared as we are.</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #262626; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.0078125);"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="color: #262626; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"> <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">A few hours later when the presentation was completed, half of the
couples whose insurance does not cover infertility treatments at all met with
one of the financial advisers. We did get some promising news in that we found
out the total cost of our procedure, if we are able to pay up front, will only
be $8800. Then the real news came. </span></span><span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.0078125);"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">During</span> the IVF process,
the doctors use medications to get the woman's body as capable of producing
eggs and handling a baby as they can. This means that Emily will be
taking a wide range of medications including birth control pills, antibiotics,
hormones, and steroids. We also found out that these medications will
cost us $4000-$6000 beyond the cost of the IVF procedure. The room got
really quiet when they told us this. This is when they began telling us
about our additional options. It was almost comical to me how easy they made it sound to add on genetic testing or advanced techniques for several thousand dollars more. We have the
option to do genetic testing, advance embryo treatment, and other things that
would not even be thought of in a normal pregnancy. One of the toughest things
that happened this day was that we had to make decisions based on a three-hour PowerPoint
presentation and the minimal knowledge that we had already of IVF. Luckily we
got to meet with our own IVF nurse after this was over.</span></span></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #262626; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> I
almost felt bad for this girl. I had plenty of questions myself but Emily had
stuck post it notes on just about every page in our packet so that we would
leave no stone unturned with regards to information that we wanted to know
about. I guess I could compare it to sitting for some sort of bar exam with
only one day of preparation and only two weeks to take the test. Our nurse was very
helpful though. She made us feel better about the process as a whole and
ensured us that we would have plenty of instruction prior to starting as well
as during each phase. It seemed like every time she answered a question one of us started right back in with an inquisitive, "So..." We admitted that we were a bit overwhelmed and asked about delaying the procedure but she reinforced what our doctor had told us after Emily's surgery, that we should proceed as soon as we are able due to our specific findings. </span></span></span></div>
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</span><span style="color: #262626; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"> Now is the tough part for us. We know we want to move
forward and we feel like God has led us to this point. The support we have
received from so many people is overwhelming. Now we know exactly how much
money we need and unfortunately we have been told that we need this money
upfront. Our estimated total will be around $14,000 for the process and the
medications. This number could fluctuate by $2000. (This variation is based on
the medication need for each individual patient.) We are looking into the
possibilities of having a yard sale, applying for grants, and other ways to
raise the money we need. The longer we wait, the lower the doctors say our
chances of conceiving are. Thank you for those that have helped us so far and
if you know of anyone that could benefit from reading our blog or know anyone that
might be able to help us directly please forward this link on. Please feel free to repost on facebook, share with friends, aynthing will help! Ask us questions too. We want to be as open as we can about this. We are looking
anywhere and everywhere for financial help and realize that some people may not
understand, care, or agree with our plans. But, we are so thankful for
all of the support we have received. We are truly blessed.</span></span>Jaredhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01725776626220168802noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2240410231045896514.post-16130486721802774732012-07-07T07:45:00.000-07:002014-04-23T09:25:56.414-07:00Keep Your Head Up<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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*Before you read this we want to thank everyone who has helped us both financially and otherwise so far. Words cannot begin to express our gratitude.</div>
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There have been many songs throughout the years that have encouraged people to "Keep your head up." I will admit that the latest song to do this (<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CmrOB_q3tjo">found here</a>) is a catchy upbeat tune that makes looking up seem really easy. These songs encourage us to keep moving forward and stay positive regardless of whats going on in our lives. The more I thought about the concept of keeping your head "up" the more it got me thinking about what exactly we should be looking at.<br />
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Looking up allows us to see what's ahead, but what if we don't like what we see? OR what if we can't see anything at all? Then what? Well, a few years ago I would've suggested that you just tough it out, don't make a big deal about it and maybe do some praying (because that's when we are supposed to pray right? When things are bad?). Well I have a different suggestion now.<br />
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As you should know by now Emily and I are trying to start a family which has been the single hardest thing either of us has been through. I've said this before, but we didn't realize how much pregnancy, babies, and talk of children was all around us until we realized that starting a family wasn't going to be easy for us. I think people just assume we have kids because of where we are in our lives and seem to throw us right into the middle of conversations that we don't belong in. I mean, we still go to bed relatively late, sleep in when we can, eat peaceful dinners together and don't have locks on our cabinets/toilets/or anything else that will open. As much as we love the life we have WE ARE READY FOR KIDS!!!<br />
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To most of you, it doesn't seem like we have anything to hang our heads about. All I can say is when you want something as bad as we want a family of our own, it seems like you can't get away from it. But, we are able to keep our heads up not because we are promised children but because we both truly understand now that God's plan for our lives is all that matters. A great biblical analogy is the story of Moses and the bronze serpent (<a href="http://www.esvbible.org/Numbers+21.4-9/">read it here</a>). Basically, the Israelites were in the wilderness speaking against God's plan so He sent poisonous snakes out. The snakes bit the people, but if the people listened to God's command and looked up at a bronze serpent that Moses placed up on a pole, they wouldn't die. <br />
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Sounds weird but here's my point: God didn't send the snakes to bite only the people who were defiant. He sent the snakes and they bit whoever they pleased. The hope in this story is that if the people looked up they wouldn't die and would be allowed to continue on the journey God had them on. We may be bitten and we may be bitten alot! If we keep our head's up however, we won't die either! God had given His people a promise and as we know from later readings, He fulfilled His promise. That should be our encouragement. This story is an example of how we should act. If we keep our heads up focused on Him we will get to the place He wants us to be. Whether or not that is where we want to be or not doesn't matter. Life is not about us. Jaredhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01725776626220168802noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2240410231045896514.post-47035186388491094892012-07-06T09:42:00.000-07:002012-07-23T09:43:28.196-07:00Check Please.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"> I just wanted to write a quick post to give some encouragement. I have found recently that the further into this infertility struggle Emily and I get the more fulfilled we are by God's presence. It is crazy to think that just a few short years ago I thought I had it all figured out. I was at a job that was going to benefit Emily with a Master's degree and get me experience that would propel me to where I wanted to go next. That's when it happened for me. Brokenness. Out of no where. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"> My cousin gave me a great analogy that God is an AWESOME hockey player. So just as you are skating along thinking that you have the game all figured out He comes out of no where and SLAMS you into the glass. You can't breathe, you hurt, you don't really know what just happened. But there He is to help you up. He may then just tell you to go sit down for a bit, He can handle it. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"> God takes us all to a place where we have a decision to make, give up and let Him have control or keep fooling ourselves that we are the ones making things happen in our lives. It is one thing to thank God for His blessings, it is another thing to get out of the way completely and let Him have all credit for everything in your life. He may get your attention through suffering. If so, stop wondering "Why me?" Romans 8:16-17 says that we are heirs of God (inheriting all that He has) , this means we are heirs WITH Christ, and our suffering with Him allows us to be to glorified with Him. After all, He was humiliated, suffered and died for us. Our suffering may not benefit us either, but it will benefit someone, somehow if you allow God to use you. If not, suffering will seem like nothing more than misery and hope will get farther and farther away.</span> Keep your head up (literally) and stay in the game. Life is a team sport, no one can succeed on their own. Jaredhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01725776626220168802noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2240410231045896514.post-81151117324311372632012-06-29T20:56:00.000-07:002012-06-29T20:57:58.415-07:00Why?<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #6fa8dc; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">This is an earlier post that I wrote. It is the foundation of this blog. Thanks for reading.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #6fa8dc; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> When a loved one dies, when natural disasters occur, when you fail the test you felt so prepared to take, times like these are the easiest times to ask "why?" and the hardest times to think logically. I have been inundated with "why?" moments lately from many different angles in my life. As humans it is our very nature to question things. We start from a very early age with questions like,"why are we going there?" or "why does that work?" That is how we learn as children. Many times that is how we learn as adults too, only we learn the hard way. The question of Why is extremely basic in nature yet very complex at its core. I want to look into one of the most commonly used questions of Why in our society today and give my perspective on it. That question is: Why do bad things happen?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> When I was 8 years old one of the most special people in my life was taken away from me. My grandfather passed away of a heart attack at the young age of 65. I was too young to think logically about the reasons for his death and was far too immature to understand how death even made any sense. I can still remember when the news was given to me at church after our morning service. I went home and cried, yelled, and screamed a God who was supposed to give me everything I wanted not take it away. It was my first true battle with Why?</span><br />
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<span style="color: #6fa8dc; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> As I have gotten older many more situations have occurred in my life that left me asking, "Why?" Seeing people struggle with addiction, trying to be accepted, failed relationships, hurt, betrayal, tragedy, sickness, death and whatever else life throws our way is hard for most of us to deal with. Most recently Emily and I have encountered the most challenging "Why?" we have ever faced, not being able to have a child. God has been really good to us and blessed us with plenty to be thankful for. So as we began thinking about starting a family several years ago I assumed God would fit that in right on my schedule where I had told Him to. Not the case. Our Why began to grow...Why can't we have kids easily? Why can other people have them SO easily? Why does a couple that seems so fit for a child of their own begin to feel so inadequate? Why won't you give us a child NOW?! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> I began searching as most of us do when we get to our Why moments in life and I came to the same fork in the road I always had: choose to lose hope, remain bitter, and continue to question OR trust that God has a plan for my life that is better than the one I tried to fit Him into. For the first time in a long time, I opted for His plan. </span><br />
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<span style="color: #6fa8dc; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I ran across this verse several times as I tried to search for answers in the Bible. It has essentially become the answer to my Why</span><br />
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<span style="color: #6fa8dc; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> <em>And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose</em> (Romans 8:28 ESV). </span><br />
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<span style="color: #6fa8dc; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">The good news is we are all called according to His purpose. We have all heard "Everything happens for a reason." I have come to believe that although every bad thing that happens to us may not have a specific purpose, our cumulative experiences are all an equation for God's ultimate goal for our lives. Another thing I have realized is that amidst trying times, God is still there and as hard as it seems to realize, He wants to know us far more than He wants us to know the answers to all of our questions. That is the essence of Christianity. Trust in a God that will never let you down, regardless of your "Why's?"</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> I now see how the foundation that my grandfather left for me makes me aspire to do more with my life. Emily and I are on a different map from the one we were on several years ago, but now I realize we were using the wrong map. I don't know what lies ahead for me but for the first time ever in my life, I am at full peace with that. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">It seems like I have been surrounded by many people in various situations recently who are asking the same question under different circumstances. I shared this to let you know, among my skepticism and questions, I am proof that asking a real God to show Himself to you rather than asking Him "Why?" every time something doesn't go according to your plan may take you off your course, but will ultimately get you on the course you were supposed to be on all along. Regardless of your situation there is hope. Not hope in the form of an answer but rather hope in a God who created you and has a specific plan for you to fulfill. </span><br />
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<span style="color: magenta; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">*For anyone who cares to know where Emily and I are now, our update is below:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> We still have a desire to have our own child. We feel like God has given us that desire and until He changes that or shows us that it isn't possible, we are going to do everything we can to make that happen. It looks like the fertility clinic will be seeing more of us in the near future. We have been asked many times about adoption and are absolutely not shutting the door on that option but neither of us feel like we are being called to do that at this time. If an IVF (google or ask us) is in our future, we will have to do some grassroots fundraising. One thing about fertility treatments and adoptions are that as ready as you can be for a child, you also must be able to afford what equals the price of a new car. We trust fully that whatever God has in store for us, He will follow through on. Finally, the topic of infertility is a bit awkward to bring up in conversation but we are COMPLETELY willing to talk about it with anyone. Too many people stay silent about their struggles and we want to try and change that. If you want to know anything about our situation or are going through something similar, please ask/share. We know how difficult and overwhelming it can be, especially when Facebook seems to turn into a baby scrapbook or people just don't seem to understand. Thanks for your prayers and support!</span>Jaredhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01725776626220168802noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2240410231045896514.post-81170324925583347402012-06-29T20:41:00.000-07:002012-06-29T20:41:23.099-07:00Real Peace<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
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<span style="color: #262626; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I wrote this post in December of 2011. It gives a good background to how we got to where we are. Please comment or ask questions below. </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #262626; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikjhqqKtIHeZt7VAGJb-vEKO05NQu-vwciesFQzwEfNwktBdxc_lFqQ3JGqbKNVI8TcJWcOeNYnB55gQLGY9YOUwmJuuhwo64ycKL3D0fZqXIKQJ4cKCIMMPNjYmBLmvWg-rmXODXJlhPr/s200/PC170008.JPG" width="150" /></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #262626; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> <span style="color: #ea9999;"> Christmas is a special time of year for most people. We get to take a break from our normal routines and spend time with friends and family justifying eating far too much and reflecting on the year. We stress out over what gifts to get everyone and try to please all the people we can, many times for the wrong reasons. We are also reminded to remember the "reason for the season": the birth of Jesus, which is the true meaning of Christmas. <span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">This year I have decided to spend some time looking at the story of Christmas from the perspective of Jesus' parents, Mary and Joseph. The more I thought about the story from their point of view, I began to realize just how amazing their stories were and found solace from their Christmas journey. Their faith in God's plan is an extremely inspiring story and that makes this Christmas much more special to me.</span></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #ea9999;"><span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"> <span style="color: #b6d7a8;">Last year was a tough Christmas for Emily and me. We have been trying to start a family for a couple of years now but last year's holidays put us over the one mark. It marked a year full of hope that had fizzled into frustration and disappointment. Many of you cannot relate with the pain of infertility but those who can know that it is a deep ache that never seems to go away. The feeling is similar to losing a loved one, only as time goes on the hurt seems to deepen rather than to heal. </span></span><span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969); color: #b6d7a8;">One of the toughest things for me has been having no guarantees that we will ever have a child. Having patience is hard enough when you know you are going to receive something but being patient for something that is uncertain can drive you crazy. I didn't allow myself to enjoy Christmas as much last year because the gift I really wanted was something I didn't have. My hope seemed to die a bit more w</span></span></span><span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969); color: #b6d7a8;">ith each birthing announcement we received, every new Facebook sonogram profile picture, and with news stories on TV about children being mistreated. It seemed the more I thought about it, the more people wanted to ask us questions like: "When are you guys gonna have some little ones?!" or "Do y'all not want kids?" Meanwhile it seemed like anyone else who wanted to have kids just said the word and a stork was dropping one off at their door 9 months later. For the first time in my life, I wasn't having things go the way I thought they should and it was killing me. </span></span></span><br />
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<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969); color: #ea9999; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> As we spent our holidays doing our usual, I couldn't help but notice that it seemed the baby population had at least tripled since the previous Christmas. You know how you don't really notice a car until you get one, then you feel like everyone else has the exact same one? Well, wanting children apparently makes you ultra aware of any human being under the age of 3. That Christmas was full of selfish feelings and was followed by many more self loathing days thereafter. All the while I prayed asking God, "Why?" with most of my prayers having the word "but" in them. It is one thing to say you trust God it is another to truly place ALL of your trust in Him regardless of his response.</span></span></div>
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<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969); color: #ea9999; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> <span style="color: #b6d7a8;"> When the angel of the Lord appeared to Mary and told her that although she was a virgin she was going to have a son, that son being Jesus Christ, I tend to think the initial thoughts that went through her head were just like any of ours would be. She thought of what others would say, how this would affect her personally, and how her clothes would fit differently from the weight gain (she was a female after all). What she didn't do however was simply <em>say</em> that she trusted God fully, she actually <em>did</em> trust God fully. Imagine if you heard that a girl was a virgin and was going to have a child. I don't know too many fathers that would be really happy with that news of their daughter. I can only imagine what her family, friends, and peers thought and said about her. But her belief that God had a plan for her life superseded everything else around her. She knew that whatever God was up to was the best plan for everyone, even if she didn't immediately see it. </span></span></span><br />
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<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969); color: #ea9999; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> Speaking of not seeing it, Joseph was blindsided! Now the angel of the Lord tells him that Mary is pregnant and he is to be the baby's earthly father. He had a huge decision to make! I'm not sure how he thought he would explain this to Mary's dad but I know the thought of having that conversation would be enough to make any man run. Joseph had to trust that the things that were happening to him had a purpose and God had him exactly where he wanted him. Despite what his buddies thought, what his family said, what the community thought of him, Joseph decided to man up and place all of his trust in God. </span></span><br />
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<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #ea9999;"><span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"> <span style="color: #b6d7a8;"> Our journey through the past couple of years has shown us many things. Besides patience, and patience ....and patience we have learned what it means to fully trust God. I have believed all along that if God wanted to put 8 babies on my couch right now, He could. That wasn't my problem. My problem was that I wanted Him to give me what I thought I deserved regardless of what He was trying to do in my life. What I have learned more than anything is that I need to get rid of my agenda and trust that God's plan for my life, kids or no kids, is the best plan for me. The only thing I can control is what I do. He has placed me in this situation for a reason and although I don't know what the future holds, I know that I have a choice to make an impact for Him or selfishly live a mediocre life. </span></span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #ea9999;"><span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"> I really wanted to write this blog with an ending that included us being pregnant but that's not my story yet. I actually bargained with God and told Him that if He would give us a child I would use that perfect ending to our story to help others in similar situations. Just because that's not my story, doesn't mean my story can't help someone. 1 Peter 5:8 tells us that Satan prowls around like a lion seeking anyone that he can devour. He was using our situation to make me angry, full of doubt, and afraid to talk to anyone. My story now is a story of peace. Regardless of what you are going through in your life whether it be marriage problems, job insecurity, financial troubles, illness or infertility, it isn't until you give God <u>complete</u> control that you will have peace. </span><span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">Where would we be today if Mary or Joseph decided that the plan they had laid out for themselves was better than God's? I am ready to enjoy Christmas surrounded by the people and the things that God has blessed me with abundantly. May this Christmas be your best ever and may the peace that comes <em>only </em>from<em> </em>a relationship with Jesus Christ comfort you this season.</span></span></span></span><br />
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