1 Samuel 1:27

Learn about our infertility struggle here

   Everyone has their mess. That is a phrase that really stuck with me. As Emily and I have gone through the past 4 years, our mess has been infertility. It has been a challenge on many levels for us: emotionally, physically, spiritually, mentally, socially, and so on. We all have things in our lives that we struggle with, and for this season of our lives, it has been the struggle to start a family. I can only express to you but can't make you truly understand the true emotions of this struggle unless you have been through it yourself, much like my lack of true understanding for what someone with a terminal disease goes through. We have spent the last almost 4 years feeling awkward, angry, confused, discouraged, sad, and happy. It has been a rollercoaster that we can't seem to get off.


   We appreciate the sensitivity that has been shown to us, but are also sad at the relationships that have changed drastically because of our situation. Whenever something doesn't go our way in life, it is easy for us to shut down and wait for it to pass. I'm as guilty of this as anyone. This blog has been an attempt to change that. We have many friends with kids who just don't seem to have much in common with a couple without kids. We can't relate in those conversations that are centered around the crazy things the kids did this week and how they are the center of your world. The most uncomfortable moments are those that happen when no one has any idea that you are struggling. It seems like not a day has gone by when someone has asked me a question along the lines of, "when are y'all gonna start popping some kids out?" As if it is just that simple for everyone. We were at a friend’s house one night and had a random girl say, "I can't even let my husband touch me without getting pregnant!" Those are the shots to the gut and the things that can reduce your optimism to nothing.


   There is no perfect thing to say, no magic words to write but we have come to realize that our mess is just like everyone else's. Everyone has insecurities, shortcomings, failures, and weaknesses. We are all human and life happens to every single one of us. There is no way we can all be perfectly sensitive to each unique circumstance. What we can do is care for others as Christ cares for us. I can't give hope to someone battling with drug abuse, but God can. I can't promise eternal Joy after someone has lost a loved one, but God can. I can't give unconditional unsurpassed love to someone that they can't explain after terrible things have happened to them in their past, but God can. Our goal should be to demonstrate those attributes as best as we humanly can while pointing people to the ultimate giver of hope and love.

 

   Emily and I thought a long time about whether to open up and share our story. We prayed about and discussed the embarrassment, the privacy, people opposed to the idea, public hurt, and disappointment but felt led to share. We are so glad that we did. Our journey has put us in contact with so many wonderful people who are now a part of our lives. We have met other couples who have struggled and are currently struggling with infertility that put a whole new perspective on our problems. We have been overwhelmed with the financial, prayerful, emotional and verbal support from so many people that will we will never be able to thank you enough for. We are so excited to tell our children that so many of our friends, family, and people we didn't even know made it possible for them to be here.

 

 










 

(1 Samuel 1:27)

   Emily had her first ultrasound January 2 and it was visibly confirmed to us that there are children (plural) on the way! She is only about 9 weeks along and there is still a long way to go, but we wanted to share our news and ask for your continued prayers for the well-being of our tiny little miracles. (Emily does have a subchorionic hemorrhage so please be praying for that to go away!) There is so much discussion on when to "announce". We are over it. God blessed us through many friends, family and strangers making us realize that the suport we have received is something we want around us always, regardless of circumstances. We do not know gender yet, but do know that there are two. Now as happy as we are, our hearts still break for couples who, like us, are having a tough time trying to start a family of their own.


   Finally, I wanted to say a word to anyone currently going through a struggle. If that struggle is infertility, please talk to us. We understand how hard the baby announcements, the baby bump pictures, the Facebook apps that tell everyone your baby is the size of walnut, Christmases with the kids running around, and talk of babies everywhere can be. If your struggle is something else, give it to God. He can offer so much more than any therapist, anonymous meeting, Dr. Phil, or any other earthly resource could ever offer. God has used our situation to bring us closer to Him. It wasn't the way I wanted, but that is the important part. We got to the place of full surrender and full trust in His plan that we were nowhere near 4 years ago.


   Anyone around me lately knows I have adopted "I am Second" as my life's motto. I have challenged myself to truly live second in as many areas of my life as I can. I challenge you to do the same. Amazing things happen when God shows up.