9/23 Update

    

 

Life seems so much easier when things are going your way doesn't it? Emily and I have had quite the roller coaster of a week.  I'm currently writing this on a plane headed to Mexico with 2 guys from our church to plan mission trips for small groups to Playa Del Carmen, Mexico.  I have been praying for several years now that God would use me to go anywhere that He needed me to go and this opportunity came out of no where. I don't know what will come of this but I do that He has put me on this plane for a reason. One hour prior to boarding, Emily called me to give me her second update this week from the fertility clinic. She was scheduled to get an evaluation to see how ready she was for next week's egg retrieval.  We thought that this visit was basically to tell us whether or not she needed more medication to stimulate her through the weekend or not.  

     Rewind 5 days prior. We were having a yard sale to help raise money for our treatments. We prayed that the money we raised would cover most of the cost of the medications. We raised a total of $500 from items that our friends had given us to sell.  Emily's medications totaled $3500 and we were still $3000 short of that number.  We received a phone call the very next day that some members of my parents church in Kentucky had given us $2000 and we got another gift the following totaling $1100!!! God had provided, through the generosity of others, the entire amount we needed!  We were on a high and couldn't wait to see what God had in store for us this week. Just before I boarded my plane Emily called with some bad news, the clinic has decided that she did not have enough follicles stimulated to produce a good number of eggs which would give us low chances of success if we moved forward.  They recommended that we stop our IVF cycle and try a different stimulation plan later.  Crushed. We are both crushed.  Why wouldn't God use that awesome opportunity for His glory right now?!

 

     There are so many verses that I could use but Jeremiah 29:11 is the one I have clung to.  God has plans for us, plans for ALL of us. Plans to give us hope and a future. The main thing I have to stay focused on is that this future is for His glory, not mine, not Emily's, not our children's.  We all have things happen to us that we may never understand.  We must use those circumstances in our lives for good and not dwell on things we can't control.  If your happiness comes from your circumstances you will always be disappointed.  If your joy comes from Christ, it will sustain you through those rough patches.  Today, I am thankful for the process and thankful for the awesome life that I have been given with so many chances to tell people about what it really means to have Joy.  Thank you all for your prayers and support.  If we can help you in any way, please let us know.

 

 

The weight of "wait"

  

 

 One thing that I have never been very good at is waiting.  Some of my pet peeves are focused around waiting.  I get very impatient if I have to wait in line behind more than 2 people in a checkout line, when I know something is being shipped to me, and when I'm traveling.  There is nothing I can do to speed up any of these scenarios.  In fact, if I try to impose my own will in these situations there is a good chance that I will slow the process down.  Any of you who have ever had to wait on something for an extended period of time know what I am talking about. 

   Emily and I have been in a holding pattern of sorts for several years now.  We have tried many different routes of pregnancy with each one requiring us to wait several weeks for results.  After an IUI, we have to wait 2 weeks until Emily can take a pregnancy test, if that is negative we have to wait another 2 weeks until we can try again.  We have been through this cycle 3 times.  Now that we have begun IVF treatments the waiting is much longer.  First we wait for Emily's cycle to start, then we wait until the nurse instructs us to begin medications, then we wait until she goes in for diagnostic testings.  This is as far as we have gotten.  We will start that process over again this week.  As we have come to find out, trying to do things on our schedule has become laughable.  I have written previously about our difficult Christmas after we had been trying to start a family for a year.  We now are faced with the end of our IVF cycle being just before Christmas this year.  What exciting news if we are expecting at that time but what a crappy way to start another holiday season if we aren't. 

   Scriptures say that the Lord is good to those who wait (Lam 3:25). I can personally attest to this. He has blessed Emily and I beyond our wildest dreams.  Not with children, not with money, but with health, family, true Joy, great friends, and a strong relationship centered around Him.  I read recently that God's plan is ongoing and if we are seeking His will daily we should trust that He has us exactly where He wants us even if we think we are going no where.  A harsh reality of life is that we go through things that we may never get an explanation for and being a Christ follower doesn't make those crappy times go away. For us, waiting around to start a family (however that happens) is no fun.  The constant holding pattern is a heavy load but is only heavier if we try to carry it ourselves.  Some people wait for healing, a mate, an answer, a break, whatever that wait is, trust that it is part of a greater plan.

    I like to look at God like an undefeated coach of a team, He will give you everything you need to win the game, you just have to play and trust in His gameplan.  Once you start doing things like questioning the play calling, your equipment, what the media said, how big your opponent is and things like that you are destined to fail.  A good gameplan finishes with a win regardless of what some of the plays looked like or the margin of victory.  Trust God for the win in your life regardless of how long you wait for it.  If you are just playing for fun, whats the point when the game is over?