Where is God?!

 

As you all know by now, Emily and I began our battle through infertility in 2009. Through that journey there were many times when we felt like God was absent and inattentive to our problems.  We couldn't have been further from the truth. Throughout history times that looked bleak and as through God was removed from the situation have turned out to be stories of triumph. We decided to make ours a story of triumph as well, regardless of the outcome. In fact, the greatest story ever told centers around a group of people that thought God didn't show up. Here we are 2000 years later talking about the story that didn't go as anyone thought it would.  A holy man crucified mercilessly yet doing so voluntarily so that we can have hope, faith, true love and salvation. Crazy how our plans really just don't matter at all in the scheme of things, but that's exactly how it is supposed to be.

Robin Roberts challenged all of us to, "Make our mess our message" at the recent ESPY awards. What a powerful concept if we are able to look outside our circumstances to help and be helped. We all have a mess.  That mess may come masked as a variety of different problems but we all have at least one.  Andy Stanley, one of my favorite speakers, discusses these ideas and the times when we feel like God doesn't care in the video posted below.  You aren't alone. People have been struggling with the concept of God's presence for thousands of years...

 

Hang in There

 

Emily and I took another trip to the hospital last night.  Much less panic ensues which each episode, we know exactly what to pack and exactly where to go.  As I sat in the hospital helplessly watching the nurses check Emily and the boys' health I began to think back on our lives the past few years and the incredible life change that has happened.  We are amazed at where we are now. 

 

7 years ago, this month, Emily and I got married.  At that point I was in graduate school at Auburn University and dreams of working in professional sports were ahead.  I would have never guessed that we would currently be living in Smyrna, Tennessee, each have a Master's degree, living off one full-time salary, I would be working at a small private university that doesn't have football, and leading classes at our church.  That's because where we want ourselves isn't as important as where we are supposed to be.

 

Many times through our struggle to start a family we felt like we were just "hanging in there." We were so focused on just getting past where we were that we were missing crucial opportunities to help and serve others and to build relationships.  We believe that God has us where we are for a reason and that the past few years have been preparation for this moment. This moment, then, is preparing us for our future.  We struggle every day with "keeping up with the Jones'" and making more of ourselves.  It was when we decided to stop just "hanging in there" and began trying to make the most of whatever situation we are in that God blew us away.  I am amazed at how he has allowed me to influence people, not for how good I am, but for how good He is.  I am humbled to be married to a woman who gives credit to God in all circumstances.  When I know she is in pain and I know she is distraught, she is faithful.  This is where He wanted us all along, we were just too selfish to see it.

 

I also wanted to say thank you again to our HUGE support system.  We have been blessed beyond our wildest dreams by many of you.  Your prayers, cards, gifts, emails, texts, and words of encouragement and support have gotten us to where we are today.  Our hope is that we may be able to give the same help to you in your time of need. You have allowed us to use our situations for good. Community is a powerful thing if we would just begin to let others into our lives.  Our society tells us that we need to do whatever it takes to be successful and when times get tough, just hang in there.  God tells us that success is in Him alone, not in money, how many "friends" we have, possessions, or notoriety.  When times get tough ask Him to guide you and make the most of your situation, don't just hang in there. 

Antepartum

   Just wanted to update everyone who is a part of our journey. Emily is almost at 30 weeks and is at home on bed rest.  The past few weeks have been a roller coaster for us but just another chapter in the journey that we have waited to be on for some time now.  Emily's stay in the hospital was 2 weeks of cafeteria food sevice, scheduled baby monitoring and medications, wheelchair rides around the hospital (and even outside the last week), snacks, magazines, Netflix, and getting real comfortable with the nursing staff.  The staff was awesome though. They made us feel right at home, well as right at home as you can feel in a hospital room. They were all very sweet and I think Emily actually made a few friends.

Emily with her daily cafeteria lunch

I didn't have to eat the same food she did everyday, in fact eating in the cafeteria was usually more expensive than me going out to get something.  That was actually soemthing I looked forward to: going outside into the real world to get fresh air. Emily wasn't so lucky, she looked forward to ordering different foods off of the hospital menu. 
 

Emily holding on a baby monitor. They had both pink and blue straps but since we have 2 boys, one had to sacrifice.

When she was first admitted, Emily had to keep baby monitors on her belly at all times.  As she stabilized, she was permitted to be monitored twice daily, once in the morning and once at night.  This was a cool time for us as we got to hear the heartbeats often, loud and clear.  Those little guys moved around so much some days it could take up to 30 minutes to get both monitors to stay on at once.  Several times we could hear our neighbors monitors as well.  I wonder if the babies were communicating somehow...

 

 

Enjoying her first time in the Serenity garden. This place had small waterfalls, ponds, beautiful plants and scripture written all around.

After being confined to a hospital room for about 8 days, our doctor finally let me take Emily outside.  As you can tell from the picture, she enjoyed the 20 minute break very well.  It was a very serene place hidden downtown Nashville.  Pretty neat...
 

Im trying to hold down the fort as best I can. Cooking, "cleaning", mowing, doing little projects to get ready, reading books on what to expect if you are a clueless guy, the usual. We appreciate all the prayers and Emily appreciates the visits from you guys.  Now we are just in a waiting game.  This isn't the summer that we had envisioned, but God has really taken us to some awesome places so we are waiting in anticipation for the future.  Until next time...

Sadie likes having someone to lounge around with al the time. She just doesn't realize whats resting underneath her head...

"Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength.”

Making plans in life always seems like a good idea.  It's thinking that our plans have some sort of authority that is humorous.  Many times when our plans don't succeed we worry. Emily and I sat in this very hospital 3 nights ago after she had a scary episode of bleeding that led us to discover she had placenta previa.  That day we were told that a previa at 26 weeks of pregnancy has little to no chance of moving.  We were told that Emily would probably experience at least one more episode and when that occurred she would be in the hospital until she delivered. Of course they couldn't give us a timetable on when that might happen. We decided to pray and ask others to pray that the placenta would move and that Emily would be able to carry the boys close to full term. Two nights later as Emily went to bed, it happened again. 

She lost alot of blood and I was there to see it all. The athletic trainer in me kicked in as I tried to manage her vital signs and clean up the area.  We called the on-call OBGyn and were told to get to Baptist Hospital if I thought Emily could make it. The doctor made sure to let me know that I needed to take her to a hospital that delivers babies if we couldn't make it to Baptist.  That is the comment that started my mind churning. I couldn't wrap my head around the idea that our boys could be delivered tonight.  How long would they be in intensive care? How far behind proper developmental progress would they be at this point? Many other questions poured into my already overwhelmed mind as we pulled into the parking garage.  I began to notice Emily losing color and getting faint.

They rushed her back into a room and began to draw more blood.  I was really nervous at this point because I had seen firsthand the amount of blood that she lost already.  The nurse let me know that they were drawing blood to send to the lab so that we would be ready for surgery.  The doctor on call let us know that the neo-natal specialist was on standby and the nursery was also ready.  Now my worrying was on high alert.  I had not even imagined when I woke up Thursday morning that I may have 2 little tiny premature babies to care for.  They gave Emily an IV and a medication to slow down her contractions just in time and she began to come around. 

One thing we learned is that the cervix contracts and reacts to blood.  When Emily bled, it moved through the cervix causing contractions.  The nurses advised us to have another ultrasound to check the cause of the bleeding.  We were pleasantly surprised to meet the same ultrasound tech that we had just 2 days prior.  She had been called in just for us.  She has no idea how much it meant to us when she told us that she was rushing in so that she could meet us at midnight.  After about 20 minutes of looking around she told us that the boys looked great and she would discuss the rest of her findings with the doctor.

When we talked to the doctor after the ultrasound she informed us that the placenta that was sitting on the cervix (the one that wouldn't move) had moved.  She said it was a miracle and not only had it moved but it had moved significantly!  This is where the bleeding had come from.  Emily stayed under constant observation throughout the night in the labor and delivery ward.  The following day we were transferred to antepartum and she was taken off of full time monitoring. Her doctor visited us and let us know that she wanted Emily to stay here in the hospital for at least a couple of weeks while she hopefully stabilizes. 

Today's lesson learned:

God can prove himself to us over and over but we, out of human ignorance, make it so hard to fully trust the next time something tough hits us.  I sit here in this room thinking about my worrying 24 long hours ago.  Not only is everything okay, but something that 4 days ago was "impossible" has been overcome.  I feel so ashamed.  I continually ask for God's help and He remains faithful.  It may not show up in the form I would prefer, but He is so so so faithful. When we worry, we are trying to control situations on our own.  As much as I say I'm not going to worry, there I was last night full of worry and what ifs?  My prayer tonight is that I would fully trust in the following verse:

Proverbs 19:21         

Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.

***Emily is at Baptist Hospital in the mother and infant care unit on the 3rd floor, room 3206 for a couple weeks.

We are so touched by all the comments, tweets, texts and calls of encouragement. Emily is the toughest chick I know.  She has endured so much through this whole process.  Thank you for your prayers...

Update 5/15/13

Well, here we sit at Baptist Hospital. Just 2 days ago Emily was having her maternity photo session, a day she had dreamed about for years. Now we sit in an observation room a day after we rushed Emily to the hospital for bleeding. This is just another chapter in our journey to be parents.  As bleak as our situation looked yesterday, we understand that we are not in control.

We got here and they found both babies heartbeats. That relieved us both tremendously but still didn't explain the bleeding. She then was taken back for an ultrasound. Immediately our ultrasound tech (who was awesome) told us that Emily has a condition called placenta previa  (Explained here).  The premise of this condition is that one of the babies' placenta is covering the cervix causing bleeding.

 This bleeding can be harmful to the baby trying to get nutrients and also to Emily. The ultrasound showed that both boys are in perfect health and that everything else looks great. We are thankful for that. The doctor told us this morning that Emily needs to be on bedrest for the remainder of her pregnancy. No fun. 

We are grateful for all of the prayers and support. We realized this road was going to be a long hard road a few years ago, we just didn't know how hard. As we have said many times, God has used this situation to show us who He truly is. For that, regardless of our circumstances, we are eternally grateful. It's just another example of life. It is unfair, it is unexpected, it is short, but it is such an awesome gift. We are still learning to cherish each day. None of us are guaranteed another one. Thanks for loving us and supporting us. We will never be able to repay you but thank you from the bottom of our hearts. My lesson for the day is this:

Too often we try to figure God out. He exists outside our world, outside our science, outside our capabilities. God wants us to trust Him for who He is, not for who we want Him to be. That's why we call it faith. It doesn't make tough situations any easier to explain, it makes the explanation less important. If I believe that He created the world it is crazy of me not to trust Him in my daily problems. My lesson for today is to understand that I may never understand.

Now, if you know of any good movies, books, or shows that Emily might enjoy send them our way. We are hoping she has a couple months to relax...

1 Samuel 1:27

Learn about our infertility struggle here

   Everyone has their mess. That is a phrase that really stuck with me. As Emily and I have gone through the past 4 years, our mess has been infertility. It has been a challenge on many levels for us: emotionally, physically, spiritually, mentally, socially, and so on. We all have things in our lives that we struggle with, and for this season of our lives, it has been the struggle to start a family. I can only express to you but can't make you truly understand the true emotions of this struggle unless you have been through it yourself, much like my lack of true understanding for what someone with a terminal disease goes through. We have spent the last almost 4 years feeling awkward, angry, confused, discouraged, sad, and happy. It has been a rollercoaster that we can't seem to get off.


   We appreciate the sensitivity that has been shown to us, but are also sad at the relationships that have changed drastically because of our situation. Whenever something doesn't go our way in life, it is easy for us to shut down and wait for it to pass. I'm as guilty of this as anyone. This blog has been an attempt to change that. We have many friends with kids who just don't seem to have much in common with a couple without kids. We can't relate in those conversations that are centered around the crazy things the kids did this week and how they are the center of your world. The most uncomfortable moments are those that happen when no one has any idea that you are struggling. It seems like not a day has gone by when someone has asked me a question along the lines of, "when are y'all gonna start popping some kids out?" As if it is just that simple for everyone. We were at a friend’s house one night and had a random girl say, "I can't even let my husband touch me without getting pregnant!" Those are the shots to the gut and the things that can reduce your optimism to nothing.


   There is no perfect thing to say, no magic words to write but we have come to realize that our mess is just like everyone else's. Everyone has insecurities, shortcomings, failures, and weaknesses. We are all human and life happens to every single one of us. There is no way we can all be perfectly sensitive to each unique circumstance. What we can do is care for others as Christ cares for us. I can't give hope to someone battling with drug abuse, but God can. I can't promise eternal Joy after someone has lost a loved one, but God can. I can't give unconditional unsurpassed love to someone that they can't explain after terrible things have happened to them in their past, but God can. Our goal should be to demonstrate those attributes as best as we humanly can while pointing people to the ultimate giver of hope and love.

 

   Emily and I thought a long time about whether to open up and share our story. We prayed about and discussed the embarrassment, the privacy, people opposed to the idea, public hurt, and disappointment but felt led to share. We are so glad that we did. Our journey has put us in contact with so many wonderful people who are now a part of our lives. We have met other couples who have struggled and are currently struggling with infertility that put a whole new perspective on our problems. We have been overwhelmed with the financial, prayerful, emotional and verbal support from so many people that will we will never be able to thank you enough for. We are so excited to tell our children that so many of our friends, family, and people we didn't even know made it possible for them to be here.

 

 










 

(1 Samuel 1:27)

   Emily had her first ultrasound January 2 and it was visibly confirmed to us that there are children (plural) on the way! She is only about 9 weeks along and there is still a long way to go, but we wanted to share our news and ask for your continued prayers for the well-being of our tiny little miracles. (Emily does have a subchorionic hemorrhage so please be praying for that to go away!) There is so much discussion on when to "announce". We are over it. God blessed us through many friends, family and strangers making us realize that the suport we have received is something we want around us always, regardless of circumstances. We do not know gender yet, but do know that there are two. Now as happy as we are, our hearts still break for couples who, like us, are having a tough time trying to start a family of their own.


   Finally, I wanted to say a word to anyone currently going through a struggle. If that struggle is infertility, please talk to us. We understand how hard the baby announcements, the baby bump pictures, the Facebook apps that tell everyone your baby is the size of walnut, Christmases with the kids running around, and talk of babies everywhere can be. If your struggle is something else, give it to God. He can offer so much more than any therapist, anonymous meeting, Dr. Phil, or any other earthly resource could ever offer. God has used our situation to bring us closer to Him. It wasn't the way I wanted, but that is the important part. We got to the place of full surrender and full trust in His plan that we were nowhere near 4 years ago.


   Anyone around me lately knows I have adopted "I am Second" as my life's motto. I have challenged myself to truly live second in as many areas of my life as I can. I challenge you to do the same. Amazing things happen when God shows up.

Bittersweet Mother's Day

   Today is a bittersweet but different day….It’s Mother’s Day. As I woke up this morning I felt overjoyed. Today is a day I can actually celebrate being a mother. Then again, I think back to 4 years ago, especially last year, when I dreaded this day, cried tears of pain, skipped church due to all the Mother’s being acknowledged as I stayed seated and had so many questions as to why I had to go through this agony.  

   I say this day is bittersweet because I celebrate the miracles God has given us while at the same time my heart hurts and always will ache for my those who yearn to become mothers and experience the same emotions I felt on Mother’s Day. As I cried today, I cried tears of joy and tears of pain. Infertility, as we have said before, is something no one will understand unless you have walked the path. Days like Mother’s and Father’s Day are very difficult. I remember years of being in church and seeing all the Mother’s stand and be honored. My heart broke as I longed to stand. Today was different…I was able to stand but was hesitant as I thought about other women sitting around me. I remember that feeling of emptiness and longing to stand and say “I’m a mom.” As I stood today, tears fell as I placed my hand on my belly, prayed and thanked God for the 2 miracles he has allowed me to carry. As I held Jared’s hand I was overwhelmed by emotions.

  Jared read me an article this morning about a woman who longed to be a mother. She sent this letter to a pastor regarding the acknowledgment of mothers in church on Mother’s Day. Tears swelled up as he read it to me. We know Pastors have good intentions but a woman should be acknowledged in every way, not just because she is a mother. The author encouraged church's to recognize women as follows : 

To those who gave birth this year to their first child—we celebrate with you, To those who lost a child this year – we mourn with you, To those who are in the trenches with little ones every day and wear the badge of food stains – we appreciate you, To those who experienced loss through miscarriage, failed adoptions, or running away—we mourn with you, To those who walk the hard path of infertility, fraught with pokes, prods, tears, and disappointment – we walk with you. Forgive us when we say foolish things. We don’t mean to make this harder than it is, To those who are foster moms, mentor moms, and spiritual moms – we need you, To those who have warm and close relationships with your children – we celebrate with you, To those who have disappointment, heart ache, and distance with your children – we sit with you, To those who lost their mothers this year – we grieve with you, To those who experienced abuse at the hands of your own mother – we acknowledge your experience, To those who lived through driving tests, medical tests, and the overall testing of motherhood – we are better for having you in our midst, To those who are single and long to be married and mothering your own children - we mourn that life has not turned out the way you longed for it to be, but we know that God has amazing plans for you, To those who step-parent - we walk with you on these complex paths, To those who envisioned lavishing love on grandchildren, yet that dream is not to be - we grieve with you, To those who will have emptier nests in the upcoming year – we grieve and rejoice with you ,To those who placed children up for adoption – we commend you for your selflessness and remember how you hold that child in your heart And to those who are pregnant with new life, both expected and surprising –we anticipate with you.

   As I end this entry, I encourage everyone who is a mother to be sensitive to others on days like today. You never know what another woman is going through or what kind of burden she is carrying. There can sometimes be a heavy burden hiding behind a simple smile. I know it is the polite thing to say “Happy Mother’s Day” to women but I remember that feeling when I heard those words and wanted to say….”I’m not a mom, thanks for reminding me that I’m not.” I encourage women who are waiting to start their families to remember these verses:

 Cast all your cares and anxieties and worries on him, for he cares for you affectionately and cares about you watchfully. 1 Peter 5: 7

Thank God in everything no matter what the circumstance may be, be thankful and give him thanks for this is the will of God for you who are in Christ Jesus. 1 Thessalonians 5:18

Come to me all who labor and are heavy laden and overburdened and I will cause you to rest. I will ease and relieve and refresh your souls. Take my yoke upon you and learn of me, for I am gentle and humble in heart and you will find rest for your souls. Matthew 11: 28-29

Suffer for something

 

 There are times in our lives when things don't seem fair.  Suffering in our lives takes all different shapes and none of them seem to be easy.  As Emily and I suffered through years of not being able to have children our hearts were constantly heavy.  I looked alot of places for what the purpose of human suffering might be.  I realize that our trial is nothing in comparison to what many people face on a daily basis.  I also realize that the only place I found any hope was in the Bible. 

   When we suffer we have a choice to make.  We can try to figure out how not to hurt on our own or we can turn to a proven method.  As I researched suffering in books and online, I found that most people turn to material things (money, drugs, alcohol, stuff) to cover up their hurt only giving them a false, temporary sense of relief. Drugs wear off, alcohol leaves your body, and things wear down.  I continued to read about people who turn to "self help" books and self-determination I also began to listen to people's stories.  The more I listened the more it became perfectly clear that people who go through trials and surrender their lives to Jesus just seem happier and more content.  I wondered why I had never realized this before.  In my short existence on this earth, I have never truly doubted the existence of a creator.  I had not, however, put together the fact that people who try to figure life's struggles out on their own always seem to hit a wall in the end. On the other hand people who live for a life focused outwardly many times go to their graves singing the goodness of God smiling and fulfilled.  I recently read 1 Peter 4 which includes the following encouraging words:


Dear friends, don’t be surprised at the fiery trials you are going through, as if something strange were happening to you. Instead, be very glad—for these trials make you partners with Christ in his suffering, so that you will have the wonderful joy of seeing his glory when it is revealed to all the world. But it is no shame to suffer for being a Christian. Praise God for the privilege of being called by his name! So if you are suffering in a manner that pleases God, keep on doing what is right, and trust your lives to the God who created you, for he will never fail you. (1 Peter 4:12, 13, 16, 19 NLT)

   If we are living our lives sold out to the One who created us, our suffering has a purpose.  Our suffering has a reason.  We are "suffering in a manner that pleases God." If we are living daily to benefit ourselves, our suffering many times becomes a burden that we spend the rest of our lives trying to cover up.  Give it up. 

   We still struggle everyday.  Our future is likely to hold even more, but one key thing our future also holds is hope. God showed Emily and I that regardless of the outcome of our situation, He will make good out of it.  We have hope that whatever happens will be used to show how good God is, not how good we are.  My encouragement to you is that regardless of what you are going through, you can have that same hope.  It doesn't remove struggles and it doesn't remove pain, but it enables our suffering count for something.  He will never fail you (those are His words.)

Boy oh Boy, God is Faithful!

Our sweet sister-in-law, Holly White, threw us a gender reveal party.  We had some of our family over to find out what the gender of each of our babies was.  Holly did an awesome job with making it suspenseful.  We each got to choose a mustache or a set of lips based on which gender we thought the babies were. 

(Our nephew Cade guessed girls...) 

Holly and Emily

 

      

After that, Holly gave us each a black balloon.  She said that each balloon was either filled with all blue, all pink, or a mix of both.  We all popped our balloons at the same time and here is how it went...

 

 

 

Emily: "Looks like I'm still the queen bee!"
Jared: "2 boys!!! The Man Cave is here to stay!!!!"
 

MORE PICS TO COME...

Story Time

 

We all have a story to tell. So why do we so often let the opportunity go by to share our struggle with someone else? Fear of rejection, pride, low self esteem, selfishness, and apathy all top the long list of possible reasons. I never told my story. In fact, I didn't think I had a story. Alot of people feel the same way. "I have no life experience, nothing crazy has ever happened to me. I feel inferior to people who have life-altering stories." Cool things happen to people, just as often as bad things do. I believe that it is up to us to make our stories worth telling.

 

Before I go too far, I do think there is a difference between a story worth telling and a story that isn't. I argue, however, that that difference is you. Emily and I spent four years battling infertility, but we weren't alone. Many couples face the exact same issue daily, some for even far longer than we. One of the most prevalent issues that I see college kids face is dealing with parents who get divorced. Many broken homes, broken hearts and broken stories. Some kids come out on one side of divorce with anger, resentment and an "I’ll-show-them attitude." Others come out confused, lonely, feeling unloved and not sure how to cope. Similar situation, completely different story.

 

This is where the true story is told. "Life happened, but then..." Some of the greatest stories are the ones we hear on primetime news specials or that go viral on the internet. Stories like the surfer girl who lost her arm but continues to surf and smile now. A family who lost everything in a natural disaster but the community rallied around them and provided them with a new life. These are stories of determination, of love, of overcoming. Think about if all of these stories had just stopped with "Life Happened." The point I am attempting to make is that life happens to us all; some good, some bad. It is up to us to help finish the story.

 

We are all created unique but not exclusive. We are all different but all have the same basic outline: birth, life, death. I heard someone speak once about the "dash." Asking, "what will your dash be?" The dash was a reference to the dash that goes on our gravestone in between our first day of life and our last. We may not all be born into the same set of circumstances, but we all have the ability to do the best with what we have. That is your story. How will you contribute to the lives of the people around you in your short time on this earth?

 

As humans, we are born ignorant and most of us have a really hard time shaking that as we get older. When life happens, many times we try to toughen up and handle it ourselves. I know from personal experience that this strategy leads to a terrible story. It wasn't until I realized that to make my story worth telling, I couldn't make it about me. That's our choice. The good and the bad in our lives can all help someone. I truly believe that we go through things in this life sometimes not to benefit us at all, but for someone else. It is up to us to share our experiences, struggles, concerns, and thoughts so that when others face those same times, they have hope and encouragement.

 

God gives us life and He gives us opportunities.  He also gives us free will to either realize that He is in control of our "dash" or remain ignorant. Your choice.

 

Doctors Visits

 

January 2: first ultrasound at NFC. Saw twins and heard the heartbeats. 132 and 134. Both babies looked perfect in size. Today I am 6 weeks 6 days

1/2/13

January 16: 2nd ultrasound at NFC. Both babies are growing at 20.8 and 21.8. Today I am 8 weeks 6 days. I have a small hemorrhage that caused some bleeding but should go away on its own. After this visit I am released to my OB at Baptist Hospital in Nashville.

1/16/13

January 30: Saw my OB for the first time. A new chapter! Today I am 11 weeks. Babies look great. Heartbeats were 174 and 183. We saw some hand motion on the relaxed baby and alot of moving from the active one. They have grown tremendously. The hemorrhage is no longer there!
 

1/30/13

 

 

February 27: Today was our second ultrasound with our OB. Today was going to be a big day as we could possibly find out the gender of both babies. Well..... we were able to determine the gender. (Check out "reveal party" here) Today's ultrasound was different. I was able to lay down and watch the ultrasound on a screen on the wall. What miracles we saw. Today they weighed 4 oz about the size of a half of a can. Their heartbeats were both 157 which they said was rare but very cool. How unique! Both babies were very active today and measured perfect. We were able to see the spine, feet, legs, hear the heartbeat and see it beating, we saw their arms and little hands move. I also noticed a little pug nose. Dr. Crowe said everything looked perfect. The babies are now positioned beside one another. 

 

"Baby A"

2/27/13

 

"Baby B"

2/27/13

 

March 25, 2013 (19weeks): Ultrasound was very short today. The boys are growing and heart rates looked good. They are still growing on track. They did not move alot during this ultrasound today. But it's always so exciting and surreal to see them each appointment.

 

 

 

April 8, 2013 (20 1/2 weeks): Today's ultrasound was very long as we had the anatomy scan and I had my glucose test. The anatomy scan took an hour and a half only because baby A decided to not be still so the nurse could check his profile. By almost 2 hours she stopped and will try next appt since baby A wouldn't cooperate, however, he did give us a wave. They have grown so much. Right when the nurse began to scan on the monitor and right off I noticed baby B is a thumb sucker. As I know this is a bad habit, I was so thrilled to see his precious thumb in his mouth as I was a thumb sucker. Baby A seemed to be performing acrobats in his picture. Both weigh 14 oz and are measuring perfectly. Right now I am only feeling flutters that feel somewhat like butterflies in my stomach and tiny small kicks every now and then. Today was also special as my mother and father-in-law were able to see their grand babies. It was a special moment for them. I was so glad they were able to see the boys. Jeff (father-in-law) made the comment while looking at the monitor, " how can anyone say there is no God as we gaze at these 2 miracles?" I do wonder the same thing. It's so incredible how God designed a woman's body to carry his child or children. It truly is miraculous. Everyday I thank God for allowing me to feel the 2 lives he's blessed Jared and I with. I've longed to feel what a miracle feels like and am so thankful God has entrusted me with his children.

 

May 1, 2013 (23 1/2 weeks)
Today was just a routine check-up. My ultrasound was taken upstairs with the Fetal medicine Group to get a better look at where my placenta is. The ultrasound showed my placenta is still covering my cervix completely. Our prayer is that the placenta moves. The US tech did another anatomy scan of the boys. Aiden weighs 1.8 and Taylor weighs 1.7 and both look great! Dr. Crowe was pleased at their weight as they both individually weigh as much as a single baby.

 

 

Baby A-Aiden

Baby B-Taylor

 

May 30, 2013 (28 weeks)

Before I was released from the hospital, I had another ultrasound.  These are the pictures from that US. Everything looked great and the babies measured 2.6 and 2.9oz. (Average weight for a baby at this stage is 2.22oz.) We are thrilled that they are healthy and growing!