When awkward becomes normal...

* This is a somewhat lengthy post about our IVF class and where we stand now.  Thanks for reading.

  Today Emily and I had our required IVF class.  We thought we were prepared for the information that they were going to share with us.  I mean how hard is it to make a baby?! Well we got to the clinic early and waited around with a few other couples that, judging by their demeanor, were in the same situation we were in.  Guys act funny in the fertility clinic.  As I looked around this morning, the women all thumbed through their paperwork that we were to read over as the guys just all glanced up occasionally from our phones trying to stay calm and give off the " I've got this under control" vibe.  We don't. Infertility is a quiet topic for most people, but a group of men sitting around in a fertility clinic waiting to sit through a discussion about menstrual cycles, hormones, and fallopian tubes doesn't give off the same vibe that sitting in a sports bar does.  

      We were called back and followed the other couples through 3 sets of doors to a nice conference room complete with a kitchenette, a view of the Nashville skyline, and a huge flat screen TV encased in a large elegant book shelf.  As we took our places around the large conference table we surveyed the room for signs that might make us feel like this procedure is guaranteed to work.  Much to our dismay, there weren't any. A nurse in her mid to late 30's got our attention and notified us that the class was going to begin. She stood in her lab coat a bit nervous but eager to instruct and so she began the presentation.  

     She went through slide after slide explaining exactly how the process works. We knew that this was not going to be easy but we had no idea how many variables come into play. She explained exactly how they get the eggs and how they fertilize them and eventually how the embryos are placed back into the uterus. This is crazy crazy stuff. The process of having a child is already amazing but the fact that scientists can now assist couples that cannot conceive on their own blows my mind. I did take some comfort in the fact that I could tell the other couples were as anxious as we were. There was a couple sitting next to us that seemed to be around our age that couldn't stop talking every time the nurse stated a fact. With a sort of awkward laughing and giggling they would nudge each other almost as though the idea of this actually working for them had not crossed their minds yet. As we sat there listening to the presentation I couldn't help but wonder if the nurse herself had ever had fertility issues. Sure her jokes were funny, her smile was soothing, and she made the process seem like it was almost guaranteed to work, but as I looked around the room I just wondered if all these other people were as scared as we are.

     A few hours later when the presentation was completed, half of the couples whose insurance does not cover infertility treatments at all met with one of the financial advisers. We did get some promising news in that we found out the total cost of our procedure, if we are able to pay up front, will only be $8800. Then the real news came.  During the IVF process, the doctors use medications to get the woman's body as capable of producing eggs and handling a baby as they can.  This means that Emily will be taking a wide range of medications including birth control pills, antibiotics, hormones, and steroids.  We also found out that these medications will cost us $4000-$6000 beyond the cost of the IVF procedure.  The room got really quiet when they told us this. This is when they began telling us about our additional options. It was almost comical to me how easy they made it sound to add on genetic testing or advanced techniques for several thousand dollars more. We have the option to do genetic testing, advance embryo treatment, and other things that would not even be thought of in a normal pregnancy. One of the toughest things that happened this day was that we had to make decisions based on a three-hour PowerPoint presentation and the minimal knowledge that we had already of IVF. Luckily we got to meet with our own IVF nurse after this was over.

    I almost felt bad for this girl. I had plenty of questions myself but Emily had stuck post it notes on just about every page in our packet so that we would leave no stone unturned with regards to information that we wanted to know about. I guess I could compare it to sitting for some sort of bar exam with only one day of preparation and only two weeks to take the test. Our nurse was very helpful though. She made us feel better about the process as a whole and ensured us that we would have plenty of instruction prior to starting as well as during each phase. It seemed like every time she answered a question one of us started right back in with an inquisitive, "So..."  We admitted that we were a bit overwhelmed and asked about delaying the procedure but she reinforced what our doctor had told us after Emily's surgery, that we should proceed as soon as we are able due to our specific findings. 

     Now is the tough part for us. We know we want to move forward and we feel like God has led us to this point. The support we have received from so many people is overwhelming. Now we know exactly how much money we need and unfortunately we have been told that we need this money upfront. Our estimated total will be around $14,000 for the process and the medications. This number could fluctuate by $2000. (This variation is based on the medication need for each individual patient.) We are looking into the possibilities of having a yard sale, applying for grants, and other ways to raise the money we need. The longer we wait, the lower the doctors say our chances of conceiving are. Thank you for those that have helped us so far and if you know of anyone that could benefit from reading our blog or know anyone that might be able to help us directly please forward this link on. Please feel free to repost on facebook, share with friends, aynthing will help!  Ask us questions too.  We want to be as open as we can about this.  We are looking anywhere and everywhere for financial help and realize that some people may not understand, care, or agree with our plans.  But, we are so thankful for all of the support we have received.  We are truly blessed.

Keep Your Head Up

 

*Before you read this we want to thank everyone who has helped us both financially and otherwise so far.  Words cannot begin to express our gratitude.

     There have been many songs throughout the years that have encouraged people to "Keep your head up." I will admit that the latest song to do this (found here) is a catchy upbeat tune that makes looking up seem really easy.  These songs encourage us to keep moving forward and stay positive regardless of whats going on in our lives.  The more I thought about the concept of keeping your head "up" the more it got me thinking about what exactly we should be looking at.

     Looking up allows us to see what's ahead, but what if we don't like what we see? OR what if we can't see anything at all? Then what? Well, a few years ago I would've suggested that you just tough it out, don't make a big deal about it and maybe do some praying (because that's when we are supposed to pray right?  When things are bad?).  Well I have a different suggestion now.

     As you should know by now Emily and I are trying to start a family which has been the single hardest thing either of us has been through.  I've said this before, but we didn't realize how much pregnancy, babies, and talk of children was all around us until we realized that starting a family wasn't going to be easy for us.  I think people just assume we have kids because of where we are in our lives and seem to throw us right into the middle of conversations that we don't belong in.  I mean, we still go to bed relatively late, sleep in when we can, eat peaceful dinners together and don't have locks on our cabinets/toilets/or anything else that will open. As much as we love the life we have WE ARE READY FOR KIDS!!!

     To most of you, it doesn't seem like we have anything to hang our heads about.  All I can say is when you want something as bad as we want a family of our own, it seems like you can't get away from it.  But, we are able to keep our heads up not because we are promised children but because we both truly understand now that God's plan for our lives is all that matters.  A great biblical analogy is the story of Moses and the bronze serpent (read it here). Basically, the Israelites were in the wilderness speaking against God's plan so He sent poisonous snakes out.  The snakes bit the people, but if the people listened to God's command and looked up at a bronze serpent that Moses placed up on a pole, they wouldn't die. 

     Sounds weird but here's my point: God didn't send the snakes to bite only the people who were defiant.  He sent the snakes and they bit whoever they pleased.  The hope in this story is that if the people looked up they wouldn't die and would be allowed to continue on the journey God had them on.  We may be bitten and we may be bitten alot! If we keep our head's up however, we won't die either! God had given His people a promise and as we know from later readings, He fulfilled His promise.  That should be our encouragement.  This story is an example of how we should act.  If we keep our heads up focused on Him we will get to the place He wants us to be.  Whether or not that is where we want to be or not doesn't matter.  Life is not about us. 

Check Please.

  I just wanted to write a quick post to give some encouragement. I have found recently that the further into this infertility struggle Emily and I get the more fulfilled we are by God's presence. It is crazy to think that just a few short years ago I thought I had it all figured out. I was at a job that was going to benefit Emily with a Master's degree and get me experience that would propel me to where I wanted to go next. That's when it happened for me. Brokenness. Out of no where.


   My cousin gave me a great analogy that God is an AWESOME hockey player. So just as you are skating along thinking that you have the game all figured out He comes out of no where and SLAMS you into the glass. You can't breathe, you hurt, you don't really know what just happened. But there He is to help you up. He may then just tell you to go sit down for a bit, He can handle it.


   God takes us all to a place where we have a decision to make, give up and let Him have control or keep fooling ourselves that we are the ones making things happen in our lives. It is one thing to thank God for His blessings, it is another thing to get out of the way completely and let Him have all credit for everything in your life. He may get your attention through suffering. If so, stop wondering "Why me?" Romans 8:16-17 says that we are heirs of God (inheriting all that He has) , this means we are heirs WITH Christ, and our suffering with Him allows us to be to glorified with Him. After all, He was humiliated, suffered and died for us. Our suffering may not benefit us either, but it will benefit someone, somehow if you allow God to use you. If not, suffering will seem like nothing more than misery and hope will get farther and farther away. Keep your head up (literally) and stay in the game. Life is a team sport, no one can succeed on their own.