When awkward becomes normal...

* This is a somewhat lengthy post about our IVF class and where we stand now.  Thanks for reading.

  Today Emily and I had our required IVF class.  We thought we were prepared for the information that they were going to share with us.  I mean how hard is it to make a baby?! Well we got to the clinic early and waited around with a few other couples that, judging by their demeanor, were in the same situation we were in.  Guys act funny in the fertility clinic.  As I looked around this morning, the women all thumbed through their paperwork that we were to read over as the guys just all glanced up occasionally from our phones trying to stay calm and give off the " I've got this under control" vibe.  We don't. Infertility is a quiet topic for most people, but a group of men sitting around in a fertility clinic waiting to sit through a discussion about menstrual cycles, hormones, and fallopian tubes doesn't give off the same vibe that sitting in a sports bar does.  

      We were called back and followed the other couples through 3 sets of doors to a nice conference room complete with a kitchenette, a view of the Nashville skyline, and a huge flat screen TV encased in a large elegant book shelf.  As we took our places around the large conference table we surveyed the room for signs that might make us feel like this procedure is guaranteed to work.  Much to our dismay, there weren't any. A nurse in her mid to late 30's got our attention and notified us that the class was going to begin. She stood in her lab coat a bit nervous but eager to instruct and so she began the presentation.  

     She went through slide after slide explaining exactly how the process works. We knew that this was not going to be easy but we had no idea how many variables come into play. She explained exactly how they get the eggs and how they fertilize them and eventually how the embryos are placed back into the uterus. This is crazy crazy stuff. The process of having a child is already amazing but the fact that scientists can now assist couples that cannot conceive on their own blows my mind. I did take some comfort in the fact that I could tell the other couples were as anxious as we were. There was a couple sitting next to us that seemed to be around our age that couldn't stop talking every time the nurse stated a fact. With a sort of awkward laughing and giggling they would nudge each other almost as though the idea of this actually working for them had not crossed their minds yet. As we sat there listening to the presentation I couldn't help but wonder if the nurse herself had ever had fertility issues. Sure her jokes were funny, her smile was soothing, and she made the process seem like it was almost guaranteed to work, but as I looked around the room I just wondered if all these other people were as scared as we are.

     A few hours later when the presentation was completed, half of the couples whose insurance does not cover infertility treatments at all met with one of the financial advisers. We did get some promising news in that we found out the total cost of our procedure, if we are able to pay up front, will only be $8800. Then the real news came.  During the IVF process, the doctors use medications to get the woman's body as capable of producing eggs and handling a baby as they can.  This means that Emily will be taking a wide range of medications including birth control pills, antibiotics, hormones, and steroids.  We also found out that these medications will cost us $4000-$6000 beyond the cost of the IVF procedure.  The room got really quiet when they told us this. This is when they began telling us about our additional options. It was almost comical to me how easy they made it sound to add on genetic testing or advanced techniques for several thousand dollars more. We have the option to do genetic testing, advance embryo treatment, and other things that would not even be thought of in a normal pregnancy. One of the toughest things that happened this day was that we had to make decisions based on a three-hour PowerPoint presentation and the minimal knowledge that we had already of IVF. Luckily we got to meet with our own IVF nurse after this was over.

    I almost felt bad for this girl. I had plenty of questions myself but Emily had stuck post it notes on just about every page in our packet so that we would leave no stone unturned with regards to information that we wanted to know about. I guess I could compare it to sitting for some sort of bar exam with only one day of preparation and only two weeks to take the test. Our nurse was very helpful though. She made us feel better about the process as a whole and ensured us that we would have plenty of instruction prior to starting as well as during each phase. It seemed like every time she answered a question one of us started right back in with an inquisitive, "So..."  We admitted that we were a bit overwhelmed and asked about delaying the procedure but she reinforced what our doctor had told us after Emily's surgery, that we should proceed as soon as we are able due to our specific findings. 

     Now is the tough part for us. We know we want to move forward and we feel like God has led us to this point. The support we have received from so many people is overwhelming. Now we know exactly how much money we need and unfortunately we have been told that we need this money upfront. Our estimated total will be around $14,000 for the process and the medications. This number could fluctuate by $2000. (This variation is based on the medication need for each individual patient.) We are looking into the possibilities of having a yard sale, applying for grants, and other ways to raise the money we need. The longer we wait, the lower the doctors say our chances of conceiving are. Thank you for those that have helped us so far and if you know of anyone that could benefit from reading our blog or know anyone that might be able to help us directly please forward this link on. Please feel free to repost on facebook, share with friends, aynthing will help!  Ask us questions too.  We want to be as open as we can about this.  We are looking anywhere and everywhere for financial help and realize that some people may not understand, care, or agree with our plans.  But, we are so thankful for all of the support we have received.  We are truly blessed.