Why?

This is an earlier post that I wrote. It is the foundation of this blog.  Thanks for reading.

When a loved one dies, when natural disasters occur, when you fail the test you felt so prepared to take, times like these are the easiest times to ask "why?" and the hardest times to think logically. I have been inundated with "why?" moments lately from many different angles in my life. As humans it is our very nature to question things. We start from a very early age with questions like,"why are we going there?" or "why does that work?" That is how we learn as children. Many times that is how we learn as adults too, only we learn the hard way. The question of Why is extremely basic in nature yet very complex at its core. I want to look into one of the most commonly used questions of Why in our society today and give my perspective on it. That question is: Why do bad things happen?


When I was 8 years old one of the most special people in my life was taken away from me. My grandfather passed away of a heart attack at the young age of 65. I was too young to think logically about the reasons for his death and was far too immature to understand how death even made any sense. I can still remember when the news was given to me at church after our morning service. I went home and cried, yelled, and screamed a God who was supposed to give me everything I wanted not take it away. It was my first true battle with Why?


As I have gotten older many more situations have occurred in my life that left me asking, "Why?" Seeing people struggle with addiction, trying to be accepted, failed relationships, hurt, betrayal, tragedy, sickness, death and whatever else life throws our way is hard for most of us to deal with. Most recently Emily and I have encountered the most challenging "Why?" we have ever faced, not being able to have a child. God has been really good to us and blessed us with plenty to be thankful for. So as we began thinking about starting a family several years ago I assumed God would fit that in right on my schedule where I had told Him to. Not the case. Our Why began to grow...Why can't we have kids easily? Why can other people have them SO easily? Why does a couple that seems so fit for a child of their own begin to feel so inadequate? Why won't you give us a child NOW?!


I began searching as most of us do when we get to our Why moments in life and I came to the same fork in the road I always had: choose to lose hope, remain bitter, and continue to question OR trust that God has a plan for my life that is better than the one I tried to fit Him into. For the first time in a long time, I opted for His plan.


I ran across this verse several times as I tried to search for answers in the Bible. It has essentially become the answer to my Why


And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose (Romans 8:28 ESV).


The good news is we are all called according to His purpose. We have all heard "Everything happens for a reason." I have come to believe that although every bad thing that happens to us may not have a specific purpose, our cumulative experiences are all an equation for God's ultimate goal for our lives. Another thing I have realized is that amidst trying times, God is still there and as hard as it seems to realize, He wants to know us far more than He wants us to know the answers to all of our questions. That is the essence of Christianity. Trust in a God that will never let you down, regardless of your "Why's?"


I now see how the foundation that my grandfather left for me makes me aspire to do more with my life. Emily and I are on a different map from the one we were on several years ago, but now I realize we were using the wrong map. I don't know what lies ahead for me but for the first time ever in my life, I am at full peace with that. It seems like I have been surrounded by many people in various situations recently who are asking the same question under different circumstances. I shared this to let you know, among my skepticism and questions, I am proof that asking a real God to show Himself to you rather than asking Him "Why?" every time something doesn't go according to your plan may take you off your course, but will ultimately get you on the course you were supposed to be on all along. Regardless of your situation there is hope. Not hope in the form of an answer but rather hope in a God who created you and has a specific plan for you to fulfill.

*For anyone who cares to know where Emily and I are now, our update is below:


We still have a desire to have our own child. We feel like God has given us that desire and until He changes that or shows us that it isn't possible, we are going to do everything we can to make that happen. It looks like the fertility clinic will be seeing more of us in the near future. We have been asked many times about adoption and are absolutely not shutting the door on that option but neither of us feel like we are being called to do that at this time. If an IVF (google or ask us) is in our future, we will have to do some grassroots fundraising. One thing about fertility treatments and adoptions are that as ready as you can be for a child, you also must be able to afford what equals the price of a new car. We trust fully that whatever God has in store for us, He will follow through on. Finally, the topic of infertility is a bit awkward to bring up in conversation but we are COMPLETELY willing to talk about it with anyone. Too many people stay silent about their struggles and we want to try and change that. If you want to know anything about our situation or are going through something similar, please ask/share. We know how difficult and overwhelming it can be, especially when Facebook seems to turn into a baby scrapbook or people just don't seem to understand. Thanks for your prayers and support!